Do you wish your kids were more proactive about helping around the house? You’re not alone! Many are the parents who just sigh and do the dishes themselves.

Like turning an aircraft carrier, there are no quick fixes to reorienting our kids’ work ethic with regard to chores and the work of the home, our focus in this third week, Level 3 of your Trinity House: Household Economy.

So, while we can’t offer you any “magical thinking” about chores, we do have a suggestion that is a perfect fit for these summer months. It’s borne some good fruit in our own family – and please send us what’s working for you at contact@trinityhousecommunity.org, and we’ll share reader ideas about this subject that is fascinating to all parents.

You’ve heard the aphorism “never let a crisis go to waste,” but in these summer months, we might say, “Never let your kids’ anticipation of fun go to waste.” With an upcoming special visit from relatives, a day trip, holiday cookout, weekend away, or big family vacation, there’s a lot of good energy we parents can harness.

So, why not use this lead-up time, and the relaxed summer schedule, to get a lot of things done around the house? And as you do, start to build some habits and teamwork that you can parlay into more initiative from your kids during ordinary seasons. Here are some practical strategies that have worked for us:

1. Hold a family meeting. Open it in prayer. Spell out the goals. Invite your kids to choose some tasks—giving them a few options is better than a dictate. Develop reasonable lists and indicate who’s responsible for each task. Don’t discourage your kids with too much, but don’t set the bar too low.

2. Roll up your sleeves with them. Parents set the tone, so if you’re sequestered away in your home office while they work, they’ll quickly get discouraged. Recall how St. Joseph worked alongside Jesus in Nazareth. Walk the beat. Be cheerful, coach them (but don’t micromanage), and join them for brief moments – or even for the entire chore. That said, you might have some independent operators who would prefer to have their own space, and who may get discouraged if you’re too involved. Like most families, we have a blend of both.

3. Provide specific feedback along the way—and when the job is complete. General platitudes (“Great!”) don’t mean as much as specifics, such as, “I like the way you scrubbed every corner of the bathroom floor, and even got behind the toilet. Nice work!”

4. Don’t react. Of course, there will be many “opportunities” to react, but try to catch yourself becoming frustrated, and use these moments to lean in to the Lord—with a prayer (we suggest the famous “surrender novena”) for greater patience and love.

Now, picture this. You’re pulling away in the minivan for that special daytrip, weekend away, or big family vacation. In the rearview mirror, you can look back with gratitude on how your kids’ excitement was channeled into outcomes that really helped your household economy.

The experience probably won’t be perfect; there’s no walk in the park when it comes to the many layers of household economy. As Pope Francis said, “Perfect families do not exist.” But through your leadership in the home, you used teamwork to get a lot done, boosted the likelihood that your kids will associate housework with good things and so continue to grow in that area, and even imparted valuable lifelong lessons.

St. Joseph, glory of domestic life, pray for us!

The Heaven in Your Home Letters will be on “Summer Break” next week, resuming on Tuesday, July 4th.

 – – – – – – –

Ideas from Heaven in Your Home Subscribers: 

“One thing I find that my children need for housecleaning is what we call ‘Eyes.’ So this morning, I asked my 11-year-old to look in my room and find 4 fast tasks he could do to make it look tidier. It was up to him to find the actions. It was not easy, but it wasn’t beyond him with some guidance. I said ‘Thanks. Now let’s go to the living room and find 2 things you can do.’ This was very unitive and pleasant to accomplish cleaning together. This was not replacing chores, however. For chores we have kept the same for 2-3 years every Saturday. It helps the children become so habituated that they don’t think twice, except for those who really hate doing what they don’t feel like doing.” – Ruth, Forth Worth, TX