The other day, one of us (let’s just leave this a little vague) needed to vent. About the “overwhelm”. About how non-stop life is. About the sudden explosion of the fall schedule with our kids running in ten directions at once.   
 
But the other spouse, instead of realizing it was a venting session, began to offer “solutions.” Ha! How do you think that conversation went? Perhaps…just maybe, the spouse who was venting said something like, “But you’re not listening!” We’ve all been there.

In the second week of each month, we turn our focus with you to Person & Relationships, Level 2 of your Trinity House. This is a phenomenal level where you deepen the communion that your family has received from the Holy Trinity by developing—with God’s grace—healthier relationships, beginning in your marriage.
 
Reflecting on our recent garden-variety misunderstanding, we’d like to offer a few simple suggestions that we’re working on as well (hit ‘reply’ and let us know what’s working for you, so that we can pass on your helpful points too):
 
1 | Take a deep breath, and invite the Holy Spirit into this encounter. Our emotions come and go like the weather. One moment they’re dark and stormy, the next moment they’re lucid and calm…whatever the situation is that you’re discussing, the Holy Spirit is present.
 
2 | As your spouse (or dear friend, parent, or colleague) begins a conversation, consider asking, “What would be most helpful for you now, in this conversation?” This simple, clarifying question can allow your spouse to say, “I just need to vent,” or “I’d really like to hear your suggestions on this tricky situation I’m facing.” Best-selling psychiatrist Lori Gottlieb suggests that a clarifying question like this is “a loving act” that helps us to give the other “something they want” — “to be understood” — rather than “something we want.”    
 
3 | Lean into the conversation, no matter the content. Whether your spouse needs to vent, problem-solve, talk through a relational issue, or just share a beautiful sunset with you, it all comes down to our innate desire to connect, to be heard, to be seen, to be understood, and yes, to give ourselves to the other.
 
When we don’t invite the Holy Spirit into our daily encounters with our loved ones, when we assume we know what our spouse needs from us, when we stonewall or look down at our phones and lean “away” from the conversation…well, you know the end of that story. Enough said.  
 
The communion we receive from the heart of the Most Holy Trinity—”the Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit (Catechism, 2205)”—is an inexpressible gift that can come into play in our daily interactions with our loved ones. What a privilege it is to steward that gift and watch our family become an ever more radiant image of God!