If there’s one thing we’ve noticed over the years, it’s that we parents all want to build a rich, immersive, Catholic culture in our homes, one that forms our children to develop their creative gifts and allows us all to enjoy the good things of life together! But sadly, we’ve also noticed that wishes don’t necessarily translate into reality, not by a longshot.

Together-time at home—relaxing, cooking, playing games, praying, enjoying music, tinkering, painting, crafting or gardening—this type of quality time is every parent’s dream. But how are we supposed to build up family culture when we’re so busy all the time, running from one thing to the next?
 
There are so many expectations for families. At times, we find it overwhelming to consider just the things we must do, like work, schooling, healthcare, and housework! But then add in the many activities we want to do—to fulfill our kids’ desires and our own and societal expectations.

The good news is that many of these things are cultural activities. The bad news is that we do so many of them that things we are supposed to enjoy—and that should spark creativity—start to become more of an exhausting chore. Also, our family ends up spending so little time together that our communion suffers.
 
So many factors contribute to a life of busyness: from simple logistical things like long drives or a high cost of living that calls for excessive work, to more complex dynamics like single-parenting, two working parents, or a tendency to overwork or endless activity in response to unhealed wounds. And then there are the irrational fears—that if our kids don’t try every activity, they’ll never find their passion, or they won’t get into the right college if they don’t participate in enough activities.
 
Notice how much woundedness and fear—of not being or having enough—can drive us into frenetic activity while robbing us of peace, energy, and time together. Peace, time with loved ones—these allow a child’s identity to come together into an integrated whole. Without them, no matter how many “enriching” activities we take part in, both parents and children suffer from isolation, fractured attention, exhaustion, anxiety—and can even turn to addictions in response.

If we really think about it, we know the solution to the problem of busyness.

Yes, there are always things we can’t change. But we can’t give in to fatalism. We must carefully consider our real limitations and then make intentional choices about the things we can change. Instead of letting ourselves be pushed around by wounds, fears, and unreasonable expectations, we need to protect our family’s vital energy and together-time with intentionality. It’s not that we need to stop all activities. It’s just that there needs to be a lot more careful decision-making in how we spend our time.
 
What are some practical steps we can take to help us make this leap? Here are a few suggestions:

• First, look at big picture issues to see where you might achieve considerable time savings—should you move to a lower cost area or even just closer to the places you drive? Should one parent stay home? Is counseling needed for addiction to overwork or excess activity?
• Second, think carefully about how to adjust activities you decide are truly important—for example, you could put multiple kids in the same activity, have your kids play up or down so they can be on the same team, have them all take music lessons from the same teacher, sit out a couple of sports seasons per year, try an in-home piano teacher, and use your car time wisely. It’s okay if there are a couple of seasons of busyness in the year. As long as it’s not most of your life and causing isolation and burnout. 
• Third, now that you have time for family culture, start by leaning into Sunday and all the mini-Sabbaths that give you rest and time together—like daily prayer and meals together and Date Night.
• Fourth, as you build out family culture, consider incorporating some liturgical living—marking the seasons of the Church calendar at home in prayer, meals, celebrations, art, and music. 

Of course, all this goes along with whatever other leisure activities your family enjoys—like hiking, games, baking, theater, museums, travel, or gardening. And remember: enjoying and deepening your family’s communion—as your family becomes ever-more an image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit—is the goal. It’s not only deeply satisfying in itself, but it also brings peace and a sense of belonging, which lays the real groundwork for future flourishing!