Attention Is the Heart of Intimacy
After running errands and driving kids around all Saturday, I (Soren) ended up in the self-checkout at the grocery store. All around me, other dads were getting ready for Mother’s Day, intent on their purchases. The earbuds were in, and I was listening to yet another fascinating podcast.
When it came time to plug in my phone number for the discount, I froze. What always comes mechanically to me—our land-line number from when we lived in Washington, DC, over 17 years ago—simply wasn’t there. This was a first.
I hit pause on the podcast and stood there motionless for what seemed like an eternity. Nothing. Finally, I asked the nearby attendant if I could use the store card. As I left the store, walking a bit more slowly, I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on.
A few days later, as my “inspiring content intake” ramped up again, I felt convicted—to use some old-school revival language—by a podcast from our friend Rev. Bill Haley. His most recent “For the Journey” episode was on “How our devices affect our spiritual formation.”
In a down-to-earth way, Bill, with his guest and colleague Ken Wettig, pointed out the connection between “attention” and intimacy—and even worship. Ken said, “What you give your attention to is what you spend your life on.”
To state the obvious: In the Giant self-checkout area, I was choosing to give my attention to a podcast and not to the task at hand or to any of the people bustling around me. That, or I was splitting my attention into so many fragments that the end-result was a kind of paralysis.
As a first step in getting some perspective on this, let’s pay a little attention to attention. From the Latin “ad + tendere” (to stretch or extend towards), the word then moved into Middle English, with the definition, “to apply one’s mind or energies to.” Getting underneath the word like this shows us the “work” involved—stretching, extending…applying energy.
But Ken went even deeper—going back to draw a connection between “attention” and the Hebrew “avodah,” which means to work, serve, and worship. “The heart of worship is attention,” he summarized. Then he said this: “To cultivate attention in the right direction is going to bear rewards and it’s going to nourish one’s soul.”
Bill and Ken’s conversation was convicting me in specific ways:
- Our attention is another way of saying “This is how I spend my life.”
- Attention implies work, intentionality, stretching, energy, and cultivation.
- The caliber of our worship is intrinsically tied to the caliber of our attention.
- One’s marriage and family life are the arenas par excellence of attention, work, service, cultivation, and worship.
- In these arenas, our attention is somewhere on a spectrum, one end of which is “uncultivated,” lazy, episodic, and yes, distant…the other end of which is cultivated, intentional, organized, focused, and yes, intimate.
- Attention needs to be cultivated in the right direction: towards intimacy. Towards communion. Towards love.
I know what I want for my family. I want them to flourish and thrive in proximity to a man who is continually choosing to do the work of cultivating his attention towards intimacy—first with his heavenly Father, and then with his wife and children. I want them to experience the love their heavenly Father has for them as my own cup overflows.
>”From Chicago to the Chair of St. Peter: The Journey of Pope Leo XIV” (National Catholic Register)
>“First Days of Leo XIV: Follow Along on Our Live Blog” (OSV News)
>”Pope Leo’s ‘Greatest Generation’ Dad Served on D-Day Tank-Landing Ship” (Catholic News Agency)
>And at the USCCB’s ForYourMarriage.org, check our our new featured post, “5 Ingredients for Family Chore Day”
> Mark your calendars and bring your entire family to enjoy one of the upcoming Trinity House Community Gatherings, including:
- Sat. May 10th at St. Bernadette in Springfield, VA
- Sat. May 17th at St. John the Apostle in Leesburg, VA
- Sat. May 17th at St. Theresa in Austin, TX
- Sat. May 17th at St. Francis de Sales in Purcellville, VA
- Sat. May 17th at Ss. Philip and James in Baltimore, MD
- Sat. May 24th at St. Bridget of Ireland in Berryville, VA
- Sat. May 24th at St. Veronica in Chantilly, VA
Would you like to take your family to one of these upcoming Gatherings? Just check the parish website to learn more, or drop us a line and we’ll be happy to put you in touch!
> Plan now to launch your own parish’s Trinity House Community Group this year! Learn more here and schedule a 15-minute call/zoom with our team here. For $499, your parish can access all the tools needed to host 5 transformative “Heaven in Your Home Gatherings” for families, including videos, discussion questions, marketing templates, catechetical resources, ongoing support, and more. Dioceses can also take advantage of three subscriptions for just $999. Ready to subscribe and launch a Group at your parish? Here’s where you can take the first step.
“Trinity House Community Groups offer families formation, fellowship, and the tools needed to live out their faith and pass it on to their children.”
