Building and Working on Healthy Relationships

In “Still Time to Put Things Right” (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops), Soren and Ever focus on what it could mean to “’make straight’ our relationships—first with our Lord through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but then with one another…”
In “Thanksgiving Begins with Contentment” (Our Sunday Visitor), Susan Erschen offers a challenging meditation on gratitude, with needed reminders such as “embrace humility” and “walk with God.”
In “Facing the Spiritual Challenges of Fatigue” (Catholic Stand), Edward Monti reminds us that sometimes others just “need…someone to listen to them, cry with them and empathize with them. It may not change their circumstances, but at that moment it will bring them solace.”
In “Choosing to Believe in Another’s Best Intentions” (Catholic Apostolate Center), Dana Edwards Szigeti writes, “We can seek to see the best intentions in others” by “asking for clarification, listening to what’s being said rather than waiting to share our own thoughts, and refraining from editorial comments that could aggravate the situation.” Amen to that!
Healing Your Family Tree: A Destiny-Changing Journey Toward Freedom, Forgiveness, and Healthier Relationships (Amazon) by Beverly Hubble Tauke asserts that greater knowledge of our family tree can even lead to healing from wounds, sin, and the unhealthy relational habits which families too often pass down from one generation to the next.
Check out Art and Laraine Bennett’s books on the temperaments, including The Temperament God Gave You: The Classic Key to Knowing Yourself, Getting Along with Others, and Growing Closer to the Lord and The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse.
Check out Art and Laraine Bennett’s interview on “The Four Temperaments” (Made for Love podcast).
In her article on “Personality Differences” (For Your Marriage), Judy Clark offers helpful suggestions.
In “Christmas is About Love and Forgiveness” (A Catholic Moment), Laura Kazlas writes, “Christmas is about love and forgiveness….God’s love for us, by sending His Son for the forgiveness of our sins, but also – our love for one another and the forgiveness of any traces of sin that lie between us.”
In “Prepare for Christmas by Serving Others, Pope Says” (Our Sunday Visitor), Pope Francis says, “Maybe I need to ask forgiveness, grant forgiveness, clarify a situation, pay a debt.”
“Forgiveness Fundamentals” (For Your Marriage from United States Conference of Catholic Bishops) by Maureen and James Otremba outlines helpful fundamentals for married couples.
Soren’s article “The Flip Side of Anger” (The Arlington Catholic Herald) was inspired by a homily by Fr. James Hudgins at St. Theresa’s in Ashburn, VA.
Unbound: Heart of the Father is an approach to deliverance and healing prayer by Neal Lozano.
We recommend How to Heal Your Marriage: And Nurture Lasting Love (Amazon) by Gregory Popcak.
Greater knowledge of our family tree can lead to healing from wounds, sin, and the unhealthy relational habits families often pass down from one generation to the next. Check out Healing Your Family Tree: A Destiny-Changing Journey Toward Freedom, Forgiveness, and Healthier Relationships (Amazon) by Beverly Hubble Tauke.
“What is Burnout and How Can You Prevent It?” (Aleteia) offers some helpful insights.
In “How to Accept Help,” Soren focuses on expressing gratitude to others and to God (The Arlington Catholic Herald).
“How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain” (Greater Good Magazine) outlines four specific ways that regular habits of gratitude lead to better health.
Have you heard of “preemptive gratitude?” “No friar ever recalls Blessed Solanus Casey manifesting excessive worry, anxiety or depression,” writes Fr. Michael Crosby, OFM Cap. in Thank God Ahead of Time: The Life and Spirituality of Solanus Casey (Amazon). He continues, “Rather they continually heard words from Solanus that manifested a deep sense of gratefulness for God’s many gifts received in the past and the future.”
In “The Virtue of Gratitude” (The Catholic Thing), Fr. Romano Guardini reflects on three conditions necessary for gratitude. He writes, “Let us attempt to obtain a view of this gradually disappearing virtue – gratitude.”
In a reflection about our family life, “Our Summer of Gratitude” (The Arlington Catholic Herald), we shared how our kids got excited about tracking things they were grateful for over the summer. We got pretty close to hitting 1,000 before school started!
“You Must Rethink Your Spiritual Life,” Bishop Barron’s Sunday sermon, is worth the investment of 15 minutes to learn about God’s quest for us, how we can let God into our hearts, and how to be thankful for the gifts God has given us.

Domestic Church

In “The Church Asks Us to Focus on ‘4 Last Things’: What Are They?” (Aleteia), Philip Kosloski shares helpful Catechism references for each of the four. Consider how you can build your domestic church as a reflection of heaven.
Check out the six-part series “Into the Breach: The Mission of the Family” (Knights of Columbus) to hear reflections about working toward the goal of sainthood for you and your family.
If our “A Vision and Plan for Family Life” (The Word Among Us), we discuss the five levels to building a Trinity house.
In “Being Too Busy Impedes the Spiritual Life,” Constance T. Hull (Catholic Exchange) writes, “Being busy does not equate to holiness, in fact, it can be an impediment on our journey to holiness. Many of the saints, as busy as they were fulfilling God’s appointed mission for each one of them, were entirely focused, centered, and in communion with the Most Holy Trinity at all times.”
Speaking of summer reading, political philosopher Matt Feeney’s Little Platoons: A Defense of Family in a Competitive Age states that the family is an “irreplaceable zone of human connections” that can offer “a living critique” of the world around us. Feeney takes on challenges such as digital media and calls on parents to help their children “develop a robust inner life, a zone of private reflection.” Read more in Kay Hymowitz’s review (Institute of Family Studies blog) and “10 Online Ways to Reignite Your Faith, Now” (The Arlington Catholic Herald) by Soren.
Check out our post on “The Habitually Peaceful Household” (For Your Marriage).
In “Note to Self When Working from Home” (The Arlington Catholic Herald), Soren suggests: “Make your work an offering to the most Holy Trinity.”
Read the transcript or watch the video of “Becoming a Living Trinity House” by Most Rev. Paul Loverde (Bishop Emeritus of the Diocese of Arlington). He asserts: “There is time in Advent for the family to reap new beginnings, make new inroads, so the family can become what it is called to be—this domestic church….The family can become a living Trinity House: welcoming, listening, serving.”
Soren encourages us to “Put Down the Phone” (The Arlington Catholic Herald) and spend quality time with others.
Dr. Gregory Popcak points out that the “Pandemic Sparks a Renewed Focus on Idea of ‘The Domestic Church'” (Angelus News) and that the focus on the family church must continue past the pandemic.
In “‘Imperfect People Need Not Apply’ Does the Domestic Church Discriminate?” (Patheos), Rachel Popcak and Dr. Gregory Popcak encourage us to build domestic churches which reflect a ‘Trinitarian vision of love’ at ‘home and in the world.’
We recommend “St. Elizabeth of the Trinity: Lessons on Living in the Heart of the Church” (Catholic Exchange). Consider this question: What is the link between daily life and the Trinity?
In a thoughtful reflection on the past year, “Despite Hardships, Family Life Blossoms During the Pandemic” (Our Sunday Visitor), Bonnie Engstrom writes, “This was a time to shore up the foundation of our family with prayer, teamwork and honest conversations.”
In “What Every Child Needs Right Now” (Institute for Family Studies), Justin Coulson focuses on being heard by others, humor, help, and hope.
Dr. Janet Smith’s essay, “The Family: A Communion of Persons” (lifeissues.net) provides a deep and rewarding dive into the family as a communion of persons.
In a recent interview with the American Enterprise Institute, Nobel Laureate and economist James Heckman comments, ‘Nobody wants to talk about the family, and the family’s the whole story…it’s the whole story about a lot of social and economic issues….I wish the family would get back into more of the center of our lives.’ Amen to that.
In “Families, Lift Up Your Eyes” (The Arlington Catholic Herald), Soren writes: “Look at your expectations of your home, your spouse, your family, and ask yourself if those expectations align with the reality of your faith, which has constantly entrusted you with the ‘first responsibility’ of your children’s education and the ‘grave responsibility’ to give them good example” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2223).
In “Revitalizing Society Through the Family: Vision of John Paul II” (EWTN), Fr. J. Michael Miller writes, “Revitalizing Western society cannot bypass the family. When family life and values are debased, then society becomes corrupt… If the family is strong, self-confident and respectful of human dignity and work, solidarity and subsidiarity, then social-political life will be enriched and society will flourish.”
To better understand the role of the family, we’d recommend St. John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio (On the Role of the Family in the Modern World).
In Pope St. John Paul II’s Christifideles Laici (On the Vocation and the Mission of the Lay Faithful in the Church and in the World, 40), he writes, “It is above all the lay faithful’s duty in the apostolate to make the family aware of its identity as the primary social nucleus, and its basic role in society, so that it might itself become always a more active and responsible place for proper growth and proper participation in social life.”
In “Opening the Word: The Mystery of Family Life” (Our Sunday Visitor), Dr. Timothy P. O’Malley writes, “Family life is a mystery” in anticipation of the Feast of the Holy Family.
In a poignant essay, “Love in the Time of Coronavirus,” Techwise Family author Andy Crouch makes an important point about our opportunity to renew home life amidst this difficult moment.
In “Family is Key to a Deep Spirituality of Subsidiarity” (Crux), Fr. Jeffrey Kirby gives a very accessible introduction to this powerful principle of subsidiarity.

Fatherhood

In “Joseph Shows the Way” (Columbia Magazine), Soren suggests that St. Joseph shows us 5 ‘countercultural qualities’ to emulate.
Soren writes about “A Father’s Little Joys” (The Arlington Catholic Herald).
Check out the conversation “National Marriage Week: Fatherhood and Spousal Love” (Facebook) by Fr. Daniel Hanley, Dominic Lombardi, and Julia Dezelski and be inspired by practical ways the life and witness of St. Joseph can bless you.
Check out Soren’s report on “The Science of Fatherhood” (Knights of Columbus).
Soren’s “Pre-father’s Day Dad Hacks” (The Arlington Catholic Herald) is a kind of pre-Father’s Day examination of conscience. Dads, read at your own risk.
Dr. John Cuddeback offers suggestions to dads in “Quarantine: A New Chance to Be a Father” (Institute for Family Studies).
“How Are Fathers Coping During COVID-19?” (Theravive) considers how dads are coming to a better appreciation of their role.
The Australian study (2020), “Life During COVID-19: Dads Spend More Quality Time with Kids,” provides encouraging news!
In the apostolic letter Patris Corde on St. Joseph, Pope Francis writes: “The logic of love is always the logic of freedom, and Joseph knew how to love with extraordinary freedom.”
Have you tried praying the “Litany of St. Joseph?”
“Editorial: This Year, Meet Your Spiritual Father, Saint Joseph” (Our Sunday Visitor) includes three practical suggestions, including having a statue, icon or image of St. Joseph visible in your home.
In “The Father We Need” (The Catholic Thing), Fr. Paul Scalia writes, “Time to ‘go to Joseph.’ (Gen 41:55) From him, the father of Jesus, we learn the true meaning of fatherhood and the incomparable worth of a man who faithfully fulfills that mission.”
We recommend Fr. Donald Calloway’s Consecration to St. Joseph: The Wonders of Our Spiritual Father and Scott Hahn’s “Who St. Joseph Was and Why You Need to Know Him.”
Fr. Joseph Doyle suggests “Getting to Know St. Joseph Through his Roles in the Joyful Mysteries” (Our Sunday Visitor).
We suggest reading Pope St. John Paul II’s Redemptoris Custos (On the Person and Mission of Saint Joseph), especially part IV on “work as an expression of love.”

Friendship

In “We Are All Talking Too Much, to Too Many People, All the Time” (Aleteia), Daniel Esparza states, “Less posting and sharing can indeed lead to a more meaningful life, both online and offline, as one re-learns to discern what is indeed important and what is not.”
In “The Canons of Friendship” (Catholic Culture), Alice von Hildebrand explores “the beauty and demands of true friendship.”
In “Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends?,” Fr. Mike Schmitz (Ascension Presents) addresses the mindset of “I’m too busy to have time for friends.”
In “Without Good Friends, You Will Die” (Desiring God), Dr. John Piper calls us to exhort and encourage one another daily.
In his sermon “Friendship” (Gospel in Life), Timothy Keller looks at the uniqueness of friendship, the discovery of friendship, the forging of friendship, and how one gets the power to build friendships.
For a more philosophical reflection on friendship, try “True Friendship: A Thomistic Guide” (The Thomistic Institute), a 1-hr. talk by Dr. John Cuddeback, author of True Friendship: Where Virtue Becomes Happiness (Amazon).
For those special people in your life, check out “12 Gift Ideas for Priests, Nuns and Religious” (Aleteia).

Gifts of the Holy Spirit

Check out the Called & Gifted Discernment Process, a workshop on discerning charisms, or spiritual gifts, available through the Catherine of Siena Institute.
Check out this FAQ at Catherine of Siena Institute to learn more. In addition, watch Sherry’s fuller presentation on charism discernment.
Curious about spiritual gifts? “How Knowing Your Charism Can Radically Change Your Life” (Aleteia) is a great place to start.
Check out a compilation of sources on gifts and charisms including passages from scripture (Diocese of Lafayette).
Bishop Barron’s video on “The Parable of the Talents” (YouTube) draws a connection between talents and God’s mercy.
In “The Church at Home: Celebrating the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life” (Patheos), Rachael and Dr. Greg Popcak touch on discovering “your family mission and charism” and the “unique role your family plays in building the Kingdom of God.”
Watch Bishop Robert Barron’s “Understanding the Holy Spirit” and reflect on the the gifts of the Holy Spirit and role of the Holy Spirit in your life.

Marriage

In “Choosing to Believe in Another’s Best Intentions” (Catholic Apostolate Center), Dana Edwards Szigeti writes, “We can seek the best in intentions in others” by “asking for clarification, listening to what’s being said rather than waiting to share our own thoughts, and refraining from editorial comments that could aggravate the situation.” Amen to that!
In “Sanctification through Tension in our Relationships” (Evangelical Catholicism), Katerina Ivanovna writes, “Sometimes those little bumps in our relationships are needed as means of sanctification—as means to purify our words and behavior.”
Check out the many good articles on overcoming adversity in marriage from the For Your Marriage resource website (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops).
“Habits for a Healthy Marriage” (Catholic Education Resource Center) by Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons includes a number of helpful suggestions.
“5 Catholic Marriage Resources that are Free (or close to it)” (Aleteia) includes a good examination of conscience for married persons. The examination of conscience resource poses the question: “Have I been concerned about the spiritual well-being of my spouse?”
Check out the tools at For Your Marriage. The goal of the site is to “help couples at all stages of life to understand and live God’s plan for happy, holy marriages by providing educational and spiritual resources.” Sign up to receive the Marriage Monthly e-letter.
If you haven’t yet prayed this “Prayer of a Husband and Wife” (courtesy of the Diocese of Arlington’s Office of Marriage, Family and Respect Life) by Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, enjoy! It’s beautiful.
Check out “12 Bible Quotes to Inspire Your Marriage” (Aleteia).
In “The Advice That Improved Our Marriage” (Ascension Presents), Jackie and Bobby Angel provide tips for communicating with your spouse, such as not making your loved one into an idol.
Check out this book, Just Married: The Catholic Guide to Surviving and Thriving in the First Five Years of Marriage by Gregory and Lisa Popcak.
Discover how your marriage can be a positive influence in others in Witness to Love: How to Help the Next Generation Build Marriages that Survive and Thrive by Ryan and Mary-Rose Verret.
Dr. Gregory and Lisa Popcak offer solutions to marital problems to build stronger marriages (The More2Life podcast).
Dr. Michael Horne has an excellent piece on “5 Communication Tips for Spouses.”
Check out “How Praying for Your Spouse Can Improve Your Marriage” (Psychology Today).
Dr. Peter Damgaard-Hansen gives an interview on “How to Navigate Your Marriage During Covid-19” (Jeff Cavins Show).
Scott Stanley identifies “Three Keys to a Healthy Marriage in the Shadow of the Coronavirus” (Institute for Family Studies).
Sociologist Dr. Brad Wilcox and psychologist Eli Finkel give a webinar on “Marriage in Post-Covid America” (Institute for Family Studies).
Institute for Family Studies offers this collection of practical articles on marriage communication.
Alyssa ElHage identifies “Six Lessons on Staying Married from Couples Who’ve Struggled and Made It” (Institute for Family Studies).
In “Kids Thrive When Their Parents are in Love” (Institute for Family Studies), Justin Coulson touches on one of the ‘cornerstones’ of our Heaven in Your Home Workshop – weekly date night with your spouse.
Here is a brief outline of Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, courtesy of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
Fr. Mike Schmitz explains “Why God Gave us Bodies” (Ascension Presents).

Motherhood

“What Catholics Believe about Mary: Meet the Most Famous Woman in History” (Dynamic Catholic) offers a brief overview of the Church’s teaching on Mary.
“The Greatest Woman Ever” (Word on Fire) is a wide-ranging video conversation with Bishop Barron.
“Why Catholics Call Mary Their Mother” (Ascension Presents) is a 9-min video by Fr. Mike Schmitz that covers many of the basics.
Baptist pastor and theologian Timothy George’s essay “Evangelicals and the Mother of God” (First Things) provides a deep dive into scripture and the common ground shared by Catholics and Evangelicals on the topic of Mary.
Check out the United States Conference of Catholic Bishop’s resources on the Blessed Virgin Mary.

The Trinity

In “Being Too Busy Impedes the Spiritual Life,” (Catholic Exchange), Constance Hull writes “Being busy does not equate to holiness, in fact, it can be an impediment on our journey to holiness. Many of the saints, as busy as they were fulfilling God’s appointed mission for each one of them, were entirely focused, centered, and in communion with the Most Holy Trinity at all times.”
In “Here are Four Ways the Family Can Imitate the Trinity and Reflect God to the World” (Our Sunday Visitor), Greg Popcak shares these great words of encouragement: “God wants your family to become an amazing work of art that shows his face of love to the world. God wants your family to paint a picture with your lives that will change the world and call all of his children home to him. Let him make something beautiful in you!”
In “The Trinity: Model of Love and Communion for Marriage, for the Family, and for Society” (Catholic Mom: Holy Cross Family Ministries), Diane Schwind identifies connections between the Trinity and our callings in marriage, family, and the Christian life.
In “The Trinity in Real Life: We Need Each Other” (Teaching Catholic Kids.com), we are told: “The Trinity reminds us that we are not to be alone in the world…we, who were created in the image and likeness of the Triune God, were created for community.”
Greg and Lisa Popcak’s “Here are Four Ways the Family Can Imitate the Trinity and Reflect God to the World” (Our Sunday Visitor) offers some very helpful insights.
In “How to Understand the Trinity,” Bishop Robert Barron asserts that making the sign of the cross is an “awakening” in us and “a sense of the lover, the beloved, and the shared love.”
Fr. Joseph Moschetto in “You Belong to the Trinity” (2Minutes2Virtue video) also suggests that making the sign of the cross can be our bridge to deeper daily reflection on the mystery of the Trinity.

Parenthood

In “Dear Parents, Be Patient on Your Long Walk Home to Heaven” (National Catholic Register), Sherry Antonetti offers brief and encouraging words of counsel to parents at each stage of the journey, from those with young children to empty-nesters.
In “Patient Realism” (Agape Catholic Ministries.info), Edmund Adamus writes, “All parents go through constant self-doubt that they might not be getting this patient realism right.”
“4 Ways to Measure Your Progress as a Parent” (Aleteia) makes lots of good points, including: “You, as the person responsible for their well-being and growth, know better what your children need, and have the unique position and responsibility to make loving discipline decisions for them while they are under your care.”
When you take a few minutes to read through some of these 100 biblical passages on protecting children (OpenBible.info), the urgency of this topic hits home.
Dr. Michael Horne’s “Protecting Kids Online” (The Arlington Catholic Herald) suggests frequent conversations to have with our kids.
We’re enjoying reading a new book by Andy Crouch entitled The Life We’re Looking For: Reclaiming Relationship in a Technological World (Amazon). Andy Crouch and Jonathan Haidt discuss this topic in “After Babel: Reclaiming Relationship in a Technological World” (Trinity Forum). One takeaway is: unplug on the Sabbath and truly observe this day of worship and rest with your family.
In this interview (YouTube), Trent Horn and Leila Miller share the key points from their book, Made This Way: How to Prepare Kids to Face Today’s Tough Moral Issues with Brandon Vogt from Word on Fire.
A Practical Guide to Culture: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s World by John Stonestreet and Brett Kunkle (Amazon) is another solid resource to have on hand.
In “Kids, Covid, and Preparing for Storms” (Breakpoint Colson Center), John Stonestreet points us to “fostering and nurturing strong family bonds and bringing up kids who know and love Jesus.”
“Why Sts. Louis and Zelie are Role Models for Today’s Parents” (Aleteia) offers some great food for thought, including, “Louis and Zelie are not ‘buddy’ parents…Zelie clearly described their goal: ‘To raise [our children] for Heaven.’ Their priority is not that their daughters ‘succeed’ or be ‘well-balanced;’ their priority is to set them on the path to holiness.”
Check out Rachael and Dr. Gregory Popcak’s article, “Hey Parents. Tired of ‘Losing It’? Here’s What to Do Instead” (Patheos).