Dear Friend,

To hear this letter read by Soren, click here.

“Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good.” Honestly, that’s one of the more helpful adages for us—since we often lament how our “good” falls short of our “perfect” ideal of family culture. 

Even though we know that day-to-day life often doesn’t resemble a Norman Rockwell painting—with the family gathered around the table for a beautiful feast—we probably spend a little too much time wishing we could have more of that, failing to accept the good that’s possible.

But here’s the reality of quite a few evenings and weekends: most families (ours included) are pulled in 4 or 5 directions at once. Instead of a perfectly-set dining room table, we’re sitting in a minivan. According to some studies, 40 percent of parents spend at least 5 hours a week driving their kids, and a third spend over 10 hours behind the wheel.   

This reality presents a question: what might “good” family culture look like in the car? When you’re on the go with your kids, what is the horizon for what is possible? How can we as parents leverage car time to build out Level 4, Family Culture? 

First, let’s start with a commonplace scenario. Dad or Mom are absorbed in their own thoughts or doing a work call; meanwhile, the kids are in the backseat looking at screens. Sure, you might need to take the work call. And your daughter might need to be on her chromebook completing tomorrow’s homework. But it’s obvious that this kind of “car culture” is far from ideal. 

Instead, we’re challenging ourselves with a more ennobling vision. Alongside the needed attention to driving, what if we leverage our time in the car with the following?

1. Great Conversations. A friend and father of young kids recently shared, “Some of the best conversations we’ve had as a family were while driving to sports events.” The same can be true for all of us. With intentionality and focus, we as parents can initiate meaningful conversations in the car.
2. Today’s News. Just 5 minutes of headlines can provide enough grist for us to lead a conversation that gives our kids perspective, understanding, critical thinking, and even a distinctively Catholic take on what is happening all around us. Whether it’s a news story on crime, supply chain delays, Facebook, or Taiwan, the opportunities are there to make connections to history, scripture, Catholic social teaching, or our own experiences.    
3. Stories of Family & Heritage. Most families—ours included—just don’t take enough time to tell stories: about immigrant ancestors, grandparents, and our own early years (yes, your kids may yawn). When we take the time to do this, our kids feel more secure, rooted in their own identity.  
4. The Rosary & Spontaneous Prayer. On many occasions in the car, we’ve sensed how moods are worsening, and taking the lead by praying the Rosary or even a spontaneous prayer has saved the day for us. Even when moods are good, what a great moment for family prayer time!
5. Singing. Turn on a Christian radio station or any good playlist and sing together as a family. Music is at the heart of culture, and enjoying it together is one of the great joys of family life.  
6. Silence. To demonstrate that we don’t need stimulation all the time, we as parents can take the lead by getting more comfortable with silence—no radio, podcasts, or playlists. In the silence, we can invite the Lord to be present and deepen our peace.

“Were our hearts not burning within us,” the disciples recalled, “when He was speaking to us on the road, while He was explaining the Scriptures to us” (Lk 24:32)? Who knows but that our families may also be able to experience something beautiful on the road?!

What’s working for you during your times in the car with your family? What did we miss in the above list? In next week’s Heaven in Your Home Letter, we’ll include a “P.S.” that highlights ideas we hear from our growing Trinity House Community family. Just send your idea to us at sjohnson@trinityhousecommunity.org.