A friend of ours once shared that, as they raised their 7 children, they greeted guests to their home with a warning: “Caution: This Family Is Under Construction.”

Anyone who has been around a construction site knows how loud and messy they are. At our ministry’s Trinity House Café + Market, it seems there’s always a construction site on a neighboring lot, and sometimes the pounding and drilling make the entire café vibrate and shake. It’s a great image for all of us to keep in mind as we raise our families.
 
It may seem crazy, but that’s what our homes should be like: a work in progress. Contrast this with what we often think our families should look like: perfect, beautiful, successful, holy… Then we look around, and depending on the day, we may see only the flaws.  

In the 2^nd week of each month, we turn our attention to the 2^nd level of your Trinity House—Person & Relationships. This is the level where we develop our relationships based on the communion we received from the heart of God in Level 1, Faith Life.
 
So, how are we to square the reality of our family construction sites with our ideals, our expectations, our longing? How to live with the “gap” between the two, and not grow discouraged, angry, or withdrawn?
 
These questions are all the more pressing given the immense challenges of our times, in addition to the fact that our homes are naturally construction sites. External dynamics from our toxic culture seem to only widen the gap between our families and the call to holiness. A recent survey showed that “half of adults say they’ve experienced a severe mental health crisis in their family,” and 9 in 10 Americans say the country is facing a mental health crisis.

In his groundbreaking new book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, Jonathan Haidt writes, “Anxiety and its associated disorders seem to be the defining mental illnesses of young people today.” All to say, the Level 2 priorities of attachment, bonding, and the loving development of our relationships with our spouse and children could not be more urgent.

As we journey through this busy spring with our families, we invite you to consider one of these ways to strengthen the bonds within your home:

1. Thank God for your construction site every day. It’s a gift from Him. Let this gratitude—and not unrealistic expectations—drive the bus.

2. Reflect on Jesus and the disciples and their construction site. Look at how flawed and selfish the disciples were, even after years of living with the Son of God! Meditate on the patience Jesus must have had for them, as they gradually allowed Christ’s strength to be manifest in their weakness.

3. Receive the gift of your construction site. After all, May is Mary’s month, and Mary is all about receptivity! God invites us to receive the gift of our spouse and children totally—not just the parts we like. Let’s take a hint from Mary, the first evangelist, and practice her “posture of reception” by spending more and more time with our family, strengthening our loving bonds (yes, which actually reflect the inner life of the Holy Trinity)!

And remember, wear a hard hat!