For the longest time, we found evening prayer as a family quite difficult to pull off. Oddly, morning prayer was not a problem because there was usually time to open Magnificat before the bus came. But every evening, right after dinner, our kids would lean towards the exit…in a rush to get back to homework or whatever else they had in mind for their evening.

And there we’d sit, the two of us, in the sudden quiet of the kitchen. Once again, after the effort to put a healthy meal on the table, we had lost the moment: that chance to hold them back, invite them into prayer, and unite our family and our hearts with the communion of saints for even just a few minutes.

Maybe you and your spouse are pros at evening prayer, but every family can fill in the blank with their own daily struggle or “lost opportunity.” How many times have we all talked about changing something that seems mediocre in our family life … like too much screen usage or not enough family-time? Many are the lists—emphasis on all our “strategic lists for a holier, healthier family”!—we’ve made that would propel our family into more flourishing and joy.

But then there came a day when—despite our fatigue and the kids’ drive to leave—we just bit the bullet. Or theologically speaking, perhaps we could say that the indwelling Holy Spirit in our hearts stirred, desiring to co-create something new for our family. We finally accepted that that moment at the end of dinner was our best hope for having everyone together for evening prayer.

Spiritually, we know that words can never adequately describe what is happening in moments like this. But on the more natural level of daily family life, this strikes us as another example of the fact that “culture eats strategy for breakfast.” This well-known adage in business management drives home the reality that a company’s “strategic plan”—its “list” for greater efficiency and profit—is meaningless if the company culture doesn’t support it.

Lent is around the corner—and it’s an opportune moment to ask the Lord to illumine the path to a Family Culture that aligns with our deepest yearnings. In the weeks ahead, invite the Holy Spirit to help you reflect on deeper “culture eats strategy” questions such as these:

• If we want to spend more quality time together as a family, are there some available gaps in the schedule or are we on the go to activities all the time?

• If we want to spend less of our leisure time on screens, are we taking the initiative to spend time with our children and provide them with low-friction access to “analog” activities?

• If we want our kids to eat healthier, are we committed to taking the time for real cooking and family dinners?

• If we want our kids to experience the dinner table as a safe harbor and place to process the day, are we setting the tone—perhaps with our own vulnerability and lingering?

• If we want more family prayer time, are we willing to show that “aggressive tenderness”—a Pope Francis phrase—in order to make it happen?

• If we want a more beautiful and organized home, can we invest the time needed to create systems of “shared work” to support that goal?

We apologize! Lists of questions can be overwhelming. But take a deep breath. At the end of the day, the way forward has less to do with a comprehensive plan and much more to do with the Holy Spirit’s particular initiative within our hearts. Where is the Lord calling your family to change? Our domestic church, our “Trinity House,” is not meant to be a place of frenetic, self-driven action. Instead, it is a holy place where we, patient and receptive to his quiet voice, only need to take action in the areas to which the Lord is calling us at this time.

The other day, a friend of our daughter’s was over for dinner. After dinner, we were happy to see that everyone just lingered (yes, there’s that word again). We invited our guest to join us for evening prayer, and she was happy to join in. Together, we lifted our hearts to the Lord with gratitude that— with just a little cooperation—he does change us in his time.