Rising divorce rates. Headlines like “The Strain the Covid Pandemic is Putting on Marriage,” “Missing the Partner You See 24/7,” and “The COVID-19 Crucible: Confronting Our True Selves.” You’ve likely seen dozens of others.
“Even in the best of times,” an article in last week’s Wall Street Journal reads, “marriage and relationships are hard work. But the pandemic has produced a pressure cooker inside homes, straining even strong partnerships and, experts say, likely breaking others.”
The telltale signs of this strain, according to Dr. David Van Dyke, Director of Wheaton College’s Marriage and Family Therapy Program, include: “emotional outbursts, substance use, binging (technology, food), increase in feelings of depression and anxiety, abusive relational patterns, and fear of illness and death.”
Ouch. Even though we continue to see and hear of new graces in marriages in this season, as a married couple, we know how easy it is for the home to suddenly become a pressure cooker. So, if anything, the pandemic has made us more eager to discover and renew practices which strengthen marriage.
In the second week of each month, we focus on strengthening Level 2—Person and Relationships—of your Trinity House. The heart of Level 2 is, of course, your marriage, and as the unrelenting pressures of 2020 continue, your marriage arguably deserves added attention, investment, and prayer.
In a Trinity House, the couple reflects the intimacy and interpersonal communion of the Holy Trinity in specific ways, including common prayer, healthy communication, and living day-to-day for one another. In our own marriage, we have benefited from many tools, habits, and practices, some of which are included in the toolkit this week. But as we’ve reflected on marriage in this time of uncertainty, we’re more convinced of the need for three practices, each of which we feature in greater depth in our Heaven in Your Home Workshop:
To be clear, date night, life meeting, and the Sabbath might not be the more immediate solutions to a specific issue or pattern in your marriage. Van Dyke refers to “yelling and screaming, condescension and disdain, blaming, emotional withdrawal, and escaping,” as a few of the many unhealthy patterns of reacting, each of which would require highly intentional and unique approaches to transform.
Instead, think of date night, the life meeting, and the Sabbath as the long game. Faithful, weekly commitment to these practices, over time, will create a far more healthy, trust-filled, and loving relationship—the kind of love we read about in I Corinthians 13. The Lord’s graces will flow from the Sabbath eucharist into your marriage, Trinity House and family, as together you make time to put first things first.
Are you experiencing strain in your marriage?
The vast majority of us are in this unprecedented year. And if we are, maybe that can actually be a good thing—particularly if it is bringing something to light that we, in turn, allow the Lord to heal. In fact, maybe the Lord is inviting us into a new season in order that our marriages can burn all the more brightly in our darkened world. Let’s join together and pray that whatever pressure, pain, or struggle couples may be experiencing will be transformed, by God’s grace, into stronger and more holy marriages.
“Even in the best of times,” an article in last week’s Wall Street Journal reads, “marriage and relationships are hard work. But the pandemic has produced a pressure cooker inside homes, straining even strong partnerships and, experts say, likely breaking others.”
The telltale signs of this strain, according to Dr. David Van Dyke, Director of Wheaton College’s Marriage and Family Therapy Program, include: “emotional outbursts, substance use, binging (technology, food), increase in feelings of depression and anxiety, abusive relational patterns, and fear of illness and death.”
Ouch. Even though we continue to see and hear of new graces in marriages in this season, as a married couple, we know how easy it is for the home to suddenly become a pressure cooker. So, if anything, the pandemic has made us more eager to discover and renew practices which strengthen marriage.
In the second week of each month, we focus on strengthening Level 2—Person and Relationships—of your Trinity House. The heart of Level 2 is, of course, your marriage, and as the unrelenting pressures of 2020 continue, your marriage arguably deserves added attention, investment, and prayer.
In a Trinity House, the couple reflects the intimacy and interpersonal communion of the Holy Trinity in specific ways, including common prayer, healthy communication, and living day-to-day for one another. In our own marriage, we have benefited from many tools, habits, and practices, some of which are included in the toolkit this week. But as we’ve reflected on marriage in this time of uncertainty, we’re more convinced of the need for three practices, each of which we feature in greater depth in our Heaven in Your Home Workshop:
- Date Night. We know just how easily this important part of marriage health gets pushed aside by the tyranny of the urgent. When this tyranny gets the better of us over and over again, we are robbed of the time we need to come to know each other more deeply so that we can help each other develop our unique gifts and life mission, and hold the thread on the meaning of our marriage and life together throughout the week. Date night (weekly, if at all possible) is the antidote. Whether it’s a simple, romantic dinner at home after the kids have gone down, or a night out, the goal is focused attention. Keep your marriage alive and fresh with date nights, with the gift of giving your undivided attention to your spouse.
- Life Meeting. Covid-19 may feel like a 24/7 Life Meeting…but stay with us. Your weekly Life Meeting with your spouse is your special time to get on the same page with regard especially to Level 3, Household Economy, but also to review how you’re doing with all five levels of your Trinity House. Begin your Life Meeting with a short prayer, and then be disciplined about briefly covering key priorities for the upcoming week, including scheduling, budgeting, and other mainstays of your household economy. Have some fun with it, and be sure to touch on your plans for the Sabbath and date night. Your Life Meeting is part of carrying communion through the week—from your Sabbath eucharist, into your marriage, and now into the heart of your family life.
- The Sabbath. “So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation” (Gen. 2:3). On Sundays, our families are renewed by God’s very own life, his Eucharist, as we join the saints and angels in glorifying God with our worship. We step back from our work and take enjoyment in the goods of creation. And when we observe it properly together with our loved ones, it will spill into every day and every level of our family’s life. More than ever, as the days tend to blur together, we need to make Sunday special and allow God’s grace to flow anew.
To be clear, date night, life meeting, and the Sabbath might not be the more immediate solutions to a specific issue or pattern in your marriage. Van Dyke refers to “yelling and screaming, condescension and disdain, blaming, emotional withdrawal, and escaping,” as a few of the many unhealthy patterns of reacting, each of which would require highly intentional and unique approaches to transform.
Instead, think of date night, the life meeting, and the Sabbath as the long game. Faithful, weekly commitment to these practices, over time, will create a far more healthy, trust-filled, and loving relationship—the kind of love we read about in I Corinthians 13. The Lord’s graces will flow from the Sabbath eucharist into your marriage, Trinity House and family, as together you make time to put first things first.
Are you experiencing strain in your marriage?
The vast majority of us are in this unprecedented year. And if we are, maybe that can actually be a good thing—particularly if it is bringing something to light that we, in turn, allow the Lord to heal. In fact, maybe the Lord is inviting us into a new season in order that our marriages can burn all the more brightly in our darkened world. Let’s join together and pray that whatever pressure, pain, or struggle couples may be experiencing will be transformed, by God’s grace, into stronger and more holy marriages.
Heaven in Your Home Toolkit
To be honest, there’s so much helpful content out there on building healthier communication in your marriage! Where to begin? While one or two of the resources we’ve listed below may provide you with the encouragement or tool you need, we want to encourage you to begin with prayer. In the silence of prayer, the Lord will hear you, and draw you closer to himself.
The Jeff Cavins Show podcast featured an interview with psychologist Dr. Peter Damgaard-Hansen: “How to Navigate Your Marriage During Covid-19“. The interview touched on common problems in quarantine as well as practical tips on how we can better love our spouse.
“The Advice That Improved Our Marriage” with Jackie and Bobby Angel of Ascencion Presents is an engaging 10-min. video with tips for communicating with your spouse, not making your loved one into an idol, and more.
“Three Keys to a Healthy Marriage in the Shadow of the Coronovirus” by Scott Stanley at the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) includes this helpful bit of advice: “Decide, don’t slide.” He writes, “Commitment is making a choice to give up other choices. It is deciding by choosing to be constrained because you believe in the path you are choosing. In contrast, sliding often increases constraints but they are not chosen as much as experienced as inertia creeps up to continue forward on a path not clearly chosen.” IFS also offers this collection of practical articles on marriage communication.
If you haven’t seen it already, check out For Your Marriage, a go-to website with valuable resources for couples and families, sponsored by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
“Six Lessons on Staying Married from Couples Who’ve Struggled and Made It” by Alyssa ElHage at the Institute for Family Studies offers helpful advice from married couples, including, “I think the biggest thing is acceptance. We are two imperfect people coming together to do our best. We really have to work at taking time for each other. I also have to catch myself when I default to the ‘if he would only do this’ mindset.”
Enjoying the weekly Heaven in Your Home Letter in your inbox? Share it with a friend and encourage them to sign up to receive this weekly boost of inspiration and practical tools! Signing up takes just a few seconds at www.trinityhousecommunity.org.
Around the Corner…
We encourage you to join us and many others tomorrow, Wednesday, Sept. 9, for a Day of Prayer and Fasting for Peace and Justice. Here is a brief video by Bishop Burbidge of the Diocese of Arlington announcing the day. Sept. 9th is also the feast of St. Peter Claver.
Beginning this Thursday, Sept. 10, Trinity House Community will collaborate with Fr. Thomas Cavanaugh of St. John the Apostle in Leesburg on a 10-week Bible study called “Signs & Wonders: A Bible Study of the Gospel of John,” from 7:30-8:45 pm (in the sanctuary, and also on FB live via the St. John’s website) on Thursday nights. Check out, like and share this Facebook video from Fr. Thomas about the Bible study. Trinity House Community will offer weekly challenges based on the Bible study and specifically focused on strengthening your home and family. We can’t wait to dive into the Gospel of John and, with you, draw connections to your daily family life!
Testimonial
“Trinity House, through its various welcoming and outreach activities, lovingly advances Catholic Christian culture. The recent Heaven in Your Home Letter on WiFi inspired our family to leave home (and WiFi) and hike to Weverton Cliffs MD, then down to the Potomac River for a wonderful family outing. Trinity House Community’s communications are needed, timely, inspiring, and practical…. Also, my wife loves the Tolkien Latte and Trinity House Cafe truly has the best coffee in town.” —Tom & Liz Carroll & Family
Please Join Us In Prayer
To be honest, there’s so much helpful content out there on building healthier communication in your marriage! Where to begin? While one or two of the resources we’ve listed below may provide you with the encouragement or tool you need, we want to encourage you to begin with prayer. In the silence of prayer, the Lord will hear you, and draw you closer to himself.
The Jeff Cavins Show podcast featured an interview with psychologist Dr. Peter Damgaard-Hansen: “How to Navigate Your Marriage During Covid-19“. The interview touched on common problems in quarantine as well as practical tips on how we can better love our spouse.
“The Advice That Improved Our Marriage” with Jackie and Bobby Angel of Ascencion Presents is an engaging 10-min. video with tips for communicating with your spouse, not making your loved one into an idol, and more.
“Three Keys to a Healthy Marriage in the Shadow of the Coronovirus” by Scott Stanley at the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) includes this helpful bit of advice: “Decide, don’t slide.” He writes, “Commitment is making a choice to give up other choices. It is deciding by choosing to be constrained because you believe in the path you are choosing. In contrast, sliding often increases constraints but they are not chosen as much as experienced as inertia creeps up to continue forward on a path not clearly chosen.” IFS also offers this collection of practical articles on marriage communication.
If you haven’t seen it already, check out For Your Marriage, a go-to website with valuable resources for couples and families, sponsored by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
“Six Lessons on Staying Married from Couples Who’ve Struggled and Made It” by Alyssa ElHage at the Institute for Family Studies offers helpful advice from married couples, including, “I think the biggest thing is acceptance. We are two imperfect people coming together to do our best. We really have to work at taking time for each other. I also have to catch myself when I default to the ‘if he would only do this’ mindset.”
Enjoying the weekly Heaven in Your Home Letter in your inbox? Share it with a friend and encourage them to sign up to receive this weekly boost of inspiration and practical tools! Signing up takes just a few seconds at www.trinityhousecommunity.org.
Around the Corner…
We encourage you to join us and many others tomorrow, Wednesday, Sept. 9, for a Day of Prayer and Fasting for Peace and Justice. Here is a brief video by Bishop Burbidge of the Diocese of Arlington announcing the day. Sept. 9th is also the feast of St. Peter Claver.
Beginning this Thursday, Sept. 10, Trinity House Community will collaborate with Fr. Thomas Cavanaugh of St. John the Apostle in Leesburg on a 10-week Bible study called “Signs & Wonders: A Bible Study of the Gospel of John,” from 7:30-8:45 pm (in the sanctuary, and also on FB live via the St. John’s website) on Thursday nights. Check out, like and share this Facebook video from Fr. Thomas about the Bible study. Trinity House Community will offer weekly challenges based on the Bible study and specifically focused on strengthening your home and family. We can’t wait to dive into the Gospel of John and, with you, draw connections to your daily family life!
Testimonial
“Trinity House, through its various welcoming and outreach activities, lovingly advances Catholic Christian culture. The recent Heaven in Your Home Letter on WiFi inspired our family to leave home (and WiFi) and hike to Weverton Cliffs MD, then down to the Potomac River for a wonderful family outing. Trinity House Community’s communications are needed, timely, inspiring, and practical…. Also, my wife loves the Tolkien Latte and Trinity House Cafe truly has the best coffee in town.” —Tom & Liz Carroll & Family
Please Join Us In Prayer
- For all students as they begin the new academic year, that they might grow in wisdom, age and grace;
- For all individuals and families, that they might deepen their roots in the grace, peace, and love of Jesus Christ during this time of uncertainty;
- For healing for those struggling with COVID-19, and for strength and safety for all medical personnel;
- For the staff and ministry of Trinity House Cafe, and all Heaven in Your Home Workshop participants;
- For unity and healing in our nation, and for wisdom for all public officials;
- For all parents, that they may be refreshed and renewed on a daily basis by the Lord in prayer, as they seek to lead their families through the uncertainties of this time.
In Christ,Soren & Ever Johnson
Founders & Directors
Trinity House Community
Making Home a Little Taste of Heaven
