LEFT BRAIN, RIGHT BRAIN & FAMILY CULTURE

“Make boredom great again!” author and NYT bestselling author Arthur Brooks said in a recent SENT Summit keynote Soren heard in Denver. At first, his point hit as a bit shocking and counterintuitive. But as he went on, and wrapped up to a standing ovation, it became clear that he was absolutely right.

In the weeks since, his insights have borne some fruit in our own lives and in our family. And we think it makes a lot of sense to apply them to family culture—Level 4 of your Trinity House, and our focus with you in the 4th week of the month.

First, here is our paraphrase of the logic Brooks—a social scientist and student of neuroscience and happiness—laid out in Denver:  

• The left brain is focused on “how”—on “complicated” problems that we analyze and solve. Something breaks, you read the instruction manual or go on YouTube, and follow a series of steps. Or you even just ask “what should I make for dinner?” as you open a recipe app and look through the fridge.

• The right brain is focused on “why”—on “complex” problems that lack easy solutions. Think of meaning of life questions, happiness, motivation, relationships, friendship, marriage, artistry, visualizing the future, love, the Trinity—these are endlessly profound areas that defy “one-and-done” solutions.  

• Because we live in a materialist and technologically-oriented culture, we can find ourselves spending most of our waking hours in the left brain, working through our lists—on tech, our phones, the next AI query … it all can be highly addictive, after all.  

• Thus, the place where we pursue the deep questions—our right brain—is underutilized, and as a result, we experience less and less meaning in our lives. (“45% of Gen Zers report lacking meaning, purpose, or both in their lives,” according to a recent Gallup poll.)

And here’s where boredom comes in (along with the thought that having more of it in our home could help our family in deep ways). Think of the right brain as being “offline” while we’re immersed in our left-brain arena of “how” questions, problem-solving, and technology. Given this reality, Brooks explained that one of the best ways to engage the right brain is to experience boredom.

When we have “nothing to do” and are without new inputs, scrolling, noise, and entertainment, the brain begins to daydream, wander, and explore the area between the left and right brain, the Default Mode Network (DMN). Then, Brooks explains, the DMN “kicks us” into the right brain’s territory of “why,” complexity, and deeper meaning.

To glimpse how true this is, think of how generative, restorative, and fulfilling the following can be: a walk in nature without technology; sitting for an extended period without a book or phone and just allowing your thoughts to settle; watching the sun set; taking your holy Sabbath seriously.

As his keynote progressed, Brooks said something even more shocking. “We used to be bored a lot, but we were not boring people. Now, we’re never bored, but we’ve become boring people.” Amen. Without the right side’s contributions, the brain lacks the sparks it needs to rise above a technical, get-it-done type of engagement with life and enter into a deeper, more creative life that enriches our family life in profound ways.

The vast majority of American parents today survey the state of their family culture with profound misgivings. Our ideals of a creative, vibrant, and joyful family culture seem to be slipping further away. Without intentionality, our homes can become just four walls in which we are constantly on the left side of the brain, more and more distant from one another, from creativity and meaning, and unhappier with every passing hour.

But we are a people of hope! And that Gallup poll on Gen Z does not need to define our family culture. As Pope Benedict XVI memorably wrote, “Hope is practiced through the virtue of patience, which continues to do good even in the face of apparent failure, and through the virtue of humility, which accepts God’s mystery and trusts him even at times of darkness.”

The path away from “apparent failure” and to a more vibrant family culture lies in stepping away from our left brains, venturing into the DMN, and then spending exponentially more time in the right brain. Each of these steps must be taken in patience and in humility, cognizant of the inevitable frustrations and setbacks that come along the way.  

So, let’s start small. Maybe try these tips that Brooks closed his keynote with:

• phone-free family meals are a great place to start;

• add the first and last hour of the day as media-free times;

• and we would add—make Sunday special by making it a day of worship and relaxing leisure.

The time to show our children how to pass through a seeming sense of boredom—and into meaning—is now. Today. Patiently, humbly, consistently. Let’s lovingly accompany our children out of the shallow end and into the depths of a family culture that delights in finding it’s ultimate meaning in God … and yes, a taste of heaven in our homes.