At the dinner table last week, we started telling a story about Ever’s grandmother, a pioneering doctor who was beloved by the people of Gloucester, MA, where she served as the town’s family practitioner for many years.

But then came a pleasant surprise: our daughter finished the story on her own. This is the kind of “communion” with previous generations that we’ve aimed for, and it’s heartening to see the dream unfolding in real life. To share the backdrop, here are a few glimpses of our home (once you look past the messiness):

• Our kids practice on a piano that belonged to Ever’s great-grandmother.
• Each day, we’re all passing our family photo wall—with images dating back to the late 1800s—probably a dozen times, so the faces of our ancestors are constantly present.
• A binder of family recipes from relatives dating back over 100 years is easily accessible in our kitchen, and frequently used.
• Bibles from our grandparents and great-grandparents are within reach of our home altar.
• The kitchen chairs we use are the same ones that Soren’s Dutch great-grandparents used in their kitchen.

The above snapshot gives you just a glimpse of the immersive visuals, tastes, sounds, and touch which any family—with some time and intentionality—can bring to the fore in daily family life.

A vibrant Family Culture—Level 4 of your Trinity House, and our focus with you in the 4^th week of each month—includes a living sense of our family’s roots, history, and stories. Recall that your mission in Family Culture is to celebrate the communion your family has been given.
 
In our marriage and family life, we’ve marveled over and over at the power, beauty, love, and sense of togetherness which results when we try to step outside of our own immediate generation and weave in a story or insight from the past. These stories enrich our kids’ identity, sense of confidence, and yes, faith.
 
So what gets in the way of having a Family Culture where the recipes, family Bibles, photos, stories, and legends are part of daily life? Why, instead, do so many families experience a kind of historical amnesia or even “generational loneliness,” feeling that their nuclear family is on its own? We see three prominent obstacles:

• No Time. It takes lots of time together as a family to effectively retrieve, tell, repeat, and celebrate these stories from the past. It’s so easy to race from thing to thing, leaving little to no time to linger and express gratitude for our roots.
• No Memories. Of course, telling a story about a struggle or achievement of your grandmother during the Great Depression requires that you first know the story. Maybe no one passed down the stories to you, so it may require some real intentionality to retrieve them.  
• Painful Past. Every family history has its tragedies, pain, and wounds. For some, it may be difficult to know how to incorporate the past into the present.

With so many other things on our plates as parents, is it worth the time and effort to bring our family history into the heart of our Trinity House? We’re biased, of course, and we feel that the witness of the communion of saints (here’s our “Invite the Saints into Your Home”) pushes us to make this a priority.

But our own experience and arguments from faith aside, the sociological data make quite a case (the following are from “Why Children Should Learn Family History” by Diahan Southard and “Studies & Research that Prove the Benefits of Family History” by Shenley Puterbough”)

• Self-Esteem & Identity: Adolescents who know more family history show “higher self-esteem, lower levels of behavior problems, such as withdrawal and aggression, higher sense of self-efficacy, and a more differentiated sense of self,” according to Southard.  
• Intergenerational Self: Children develop a strong “intergenerational self” – they know they belong to something bigger than themselves, with their identity stretching back generations, giving them connection, strength and resilience.
• Academic Performance: Research from universities in Germany found that “thinking about one’s genetic origin (i.e. ancestors) provides people with a positive psychological resource that increases their intellectual performance.”