A few weeks ago, on back-to-back days, we both heard the kind of question that will pique any parent’s interest.
“Mom / Dad, I need to talk to you,” said our 13-year-old. “Can I come with you to the store alone?” And so began the hard sell.
We already had an idea of what we were in for. Our kids had just spent three weeks with cousins, and a certain pair had spent many hours on cousin-supplied video games. Our kids have never owned gaming devices, and now our middle school son was hooked. And when he gets an idea, he goes all in.
The car ride was intense. He explained just how he would acquire and regulate the use of the gaming device and how much it would add to his enjoyment of life. He deployed emotional arguments, telling us, “Since we’re in Covid, I hardly ever get to see my friends, so this would be a way to spend time with them.” The immediate conversations, tensions, and moodiness were par for the course.
But looking back now, what happened next was remarkable. And we have to report it to give fellow parents another reason to say no. First, full disclosure: our kids have school-issued Chromebook laptops, which they sometimes use to play various video games online. We permit this, in moderation.
Our reasoning for holding to our policy of no gaming devices was something like this, “Video games are addictive because they’re easy and fun. Kind of like sugar or alcohol or drugs. They take hold of your life and you spend a lot of time managing them and the impulse to consume more of them—time you could have spent on something more valuable, creative, and constructive. If you get into video games, you may never know what better thing you could have done with your time. And, you’re too young to make the decision to give up on something better for video games, so we’re making that choice for you.”
You may remember that last month’s letter on Family Culture in your Trinity House was titled, “What To Do Once You Turn Off the Wifi.” And we made a case for the need for parents to build real-world alternatives to screen culture—becoming the camping family, DIY family, travelling family or the farming family, etc. Parents intuitively know that children who do these types of things in the real world are being developed in critical ways that screens and video games and online entertainment in general can’t provide. (* see below) It’s one thing to know this, but it’s another, breathtaking thing to experience it.
So, back to our story. Our middle-school son is a mostly respectful young man who can be swayed by a sound argument, so he was fairly accepting of the reiteration of the no-gaming-devices policy. And we made haste to finally adopt the dog he and the other kids had been wanting for a long time. And we gave him a lot of responsibility with the dog to make sure he had enough interesting things to do in his free time. A couple weeks later, he even thanked us for not letting him waste his time and always helping him draw his thinking higher. That was a sweet moment, but what happened next was priceless.
Did we mention that this young man is intense and knows how to make a hard sell? Well, he also loves organizing and cleaning, especially cleaning the cars. He is a bit image-conscious, so he never wants our cars to be messy for fear of what people will think! Ha! We put that impulse to good use.
Anyway, for this month’s car-cleaning extravaganza, he discovered some detailing videos on YouTube. And just like that, a young man’s searching energy, aptitude for hard work, and attention to detail sparked with an idea!
He didn’t have much selling to do to convince us to say yes to investing a big chunk of his savings in the equipment to start a car-detailing business for our neighbors. We offered to pony up a certain amount too, so maybe we were a bit suckered. Then, his week of studying lists of needed and recommended equipment gave way to a big online spending spree. Now our dining room is host to a bounty of cleaners and cleaning devices.
Just yesterday, as we walked with our neighbor and the dog, we had the pleasure of hearing him avidly sell his services as the neighbor gamely agreed to give it a shot. As of today, it looks like he’ll clean his business’s first car this weekend.
And it’s likely that none of this would have happened if we had let him spend that same amount of money on a Nintendo Switch. He would have been so obsessed that a car-detailing business would never have crossed his mind.
Proof positive?
We rest our case.
*Not that there’s anything wrong with relaxing with a video game from time to time. But their addictive nature plus the low level of self-control of children means they don’t usually get used in this healthy way.
“Mom / Dad, I need to talk to you,” said our 13-year-old. “Can I come with you to the store alone?” And so began the hard sell.
We already had an idea of what we were in for. Our kids had just spent three weeks with cousins, and a certain pair had spent many hours on cousin-supplied video games. Our kids have never owned gaming devices, and now our middle school son was hooked. And when he gets an idea, he goes all in.
The car ride was intense. He explained just how he would acquire and regulate the use of the gaming device and how much it would add to his enjoyment of life. He deployed emotional arguments, telling us, “Since we’re in Covid, I hardly ever get to see my friends, so this would be a way to spend time with them.” The immediate conversations, tensions, and moodiness were par for the course.
But looking back now, what happened next was remarkable. And we have to report it to give fellow parents another reason to say no. First, full disclosure: our kids have school-issued Chromebook laptops, which they sometimes use to play various video games online. We permit this, in moderation.
Our reasoning for holding to our policy of no gaming devices was something like this, “Video games are addictive because they’re easy and fun. Kind of like sugar or alcohol or drugs. They take hold of your life and you spend a lot of time managing them and the impulse to consume more of them—time you could have spent on something more valuable, creative, and constructive. If you get into video games, you may never know what better thing you could have done with your time. And, you’re too young to make the decision to give up on something better for video games, so we’re making that choice for you.”
You may remember that last month’s letter on Family Culture in your Trinity House was titled, “What To Do Once You Turn Off the Wifi.” And we made a case for the need for parents to build real-world alternatives to screen culture—becoming the camping family, DIY family, travelling family or the farming family, etc. Parents intuitively know that children who do these types of things in the real world are being developed in critical ways that screens and video games and online entertainment in general can’t provide. (* see below) It’s one thing to know this, but it’s another, breathtaking thing to experience it.
So, back to our story. Our middle-school son is a mostly respectful young man who can be swayed by a sound argument, so he was fairly accepting of the reiteration of the no-gaming-devices policy. And we made haste to finally adopt the dog he and the other kids had been wanting for a long time. And we gave him a lot of responsibility with the dog to make sure he had enough interesting things to do in his free time. A couple weeks later, he even thanked us for not letting him waste his time and always helping him draw his thinking higher. That was a sweet moment, but what happened next was priceless.
Did we mention that this young man is intense and knows how to make a hard sell? Well, he also loves organizing and cleaning, especially cleaning the cars. He is a bit image-conscious, so he never wants our cars to be messy for fear of what people will think! Ha! We put that impulse to good use.
Anyway, for this month’s car-cleaning extravaganza, he discovered some detailing videos on YouTube. And just like that, a young man’s searching energy, aptitude for hard work, and attention to detail sparked with an idea!
He didn’t have much selling to do to convince us to say yes to investing a big chunk of his savings in the equipment to start a car-detailing business for our neighbors. We offered to pony up a certain amount too, so maybe we were a bit suckered. Then, his week of studying lists of needed and recommended equipment gave way to a big online spending spree. Now our dining room is host to a bounty of cleaners and cleaning devices.
Just yesterday, as we walked with our neighbor and the dog, we had the pleasure of hearing him avidly sell his services as the neighbor gamely agreed to give it a shot. As of today, it looks like he’ll clean his business’s first car this weekend.
And it’s likely that none of this would have happened if we had let him spend that same amount of money on a Nintendo Switch. He would have been so obsessed that a car-detailing business would never have crossed his mind.
Proof positive?
We rest our case.
*Not that there’s anything wrong with relaxing with a video game from time to time. But their addictive nature plus the low level of self-control of children means they don’t usually get used in this healthy way.
Heaven in Your Home Toolkit
Speaking of building a culture of faith in the home, a new Pew Research Study on Religious Habits of U.S. Teens was released last week. We were most interested in Ch. 4, “Family Religious Practices,” which is worth a read.
At Breakpoint, we appreciated John Stonestreet’s “This isn’t a ‘Lost Year’.” “This is no lost year,” he writes. “…Many families are re-discovering shared meal times, learning, hiking, playing and praying together. And make no mistake this is an opportunity for parents to help kids cultivate something they will desperately need for the rest of their lives, especially in a culture like ours: resilience.”
Speaking of building real-life alternatives to the video-game culture, here’s some encouraging news: “Dads Spend More Quality Time with Kids,” a study of Australian dads in recent months.
Most of us turn to media first thing in the morning… Here’s a great reminder of how we can do better. “Mother Theresa’s Simple Trick for Becoming Closer to Jesus,” which includes a link to an inspiring 2-minute video.
Two suggestions for big-picture strategies: Dr. Michael Horne’s The Tech Talk: Strategies for Families in a Digital World and Andy Crouch’s The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place.
In a new pastoral letter, In Tongues All Can Hear, Bishop Burbidge of Arlington reminds us, “As Christians, this desire is in our DNA: communicating the hope of Christ in times of trial is what Christians do. Our calling is to help people come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior who is alive, by their side, in times of joy and sorrow.”
In “Four Steps to Beat the Screen” for Columbia, Soren writes, “If we hope to limit the screen time of our children, we have to be willing to put down our own phones and laptops to spend time talking, listening and doing things together.”
In the news this week as our country mourns the passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, we were heartened by “Recalling the Unlikely Ginsburg-Scalia Friendship” in the National Catholic Register. In the article, Fr. Paul Scalia notes, “I think my father was aware of giving good witness to the Catholic faith. That was part of who he was. So in his friendship with her, that was going to be part of it…And I think this is the beginning of evangelization: simply demonstrating the ability to be a serious Catholic, but also capable of friendship, and friendship with somebody who is different and who disagrees.”
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Next Week…
Haven’t had the chance yet to participate in our Heaven in Your Home Workshop? Or are you in need of a refresh? Sign-up (free) for our next livestream workshop on Wednesday, Oct. 28, 8-9:30 p.m. (EST), streamed live from Trinity House Café, will be available beginning tomorrow at this link.
Testimonial
“Heaven in Your Home’ was a beautiful opportunity to refocus ourselves on how we can bring our family to holiness by drawing them into the life of the Trinity. The ideas were so helpful but also needed as our family continues to grow, so that we don’t lose sight of the main point, to help them get to Heaven!” — Ian Masson, Culpeper, VA
Please Join Us In Prayer
- For all those impacted by the fires in California and Oregon; and for all those battling these fires;
- For all families in their use of technology, that they may do all things to the glory of God;
- For all families facing decisions regarding schooling this fall, that they might seek wisdom, prudence, and patience from the Lord;
- For all students, that they might grow in wisdom, age and grace in this academic year;
- For all individuals and families, that they might deepen their roots in the grace, peace, and love of Jesus Christ during this time of uncertainty;
- For healing for those struggling with COVID-19, and for strength and safety for all medical personnel;
- For the staff and ministry of Trinity House Cafe, and all Heaven in Your Home Workshop participants;
- For unity and healing in our nation, and for wisdom for all public officials;
- For all parents, that they may be refreshed and renewed on a daily basis by the Lord in prayer, as they seek to lead their families through the uncertainties of this time.
In Christ,Soren & Ever Johnson
Founders & Directors
Trinity House Community
Making Home a Little Taste of Heaven
