A friend and mother of multiple young children emailed us the other day mentioning that she and her family are in a “season of extreme exhaustion.” She and her husband are bouncing back and forth between kids’ health challenges, work stress, and a physical sense of living on the edge.   
 
We’ve all been there (or are there)—especially parents of young children! Running on fumes. The weeks blending together. Not to mention getting ready for the holidays…with all the logistical, financial, and social demands that may come our way. Our engines may be running at a high RPM, but we don’t seem to make much progress. The endless to-do list is still there.
 
And this fatigue is not happening in a vacuum. There’s so much more in the air. As New York Times columnist David Brooks wrote just last week, “Everywhere I go, people are coping with an avalanche of negative emotions: shock, pain, contempt, anger, anxiety, fear.”
 
Our friend continued, “I’ve been struggling as the months go on to understand what God wants me to get out of this season spiritually,as I’m too tired to concentrate on prayer and we’re in extended survival mode.” She concluded with a question, “Any advice?”

What might God be inviting us to see in our fatigue? Is there a spiritual “point” to exhaustion? In this first week of November, it’s only fitting to wrestle with questions like these as we look at Level 1, the Faith Life of our Trinity Houses. While everyone’s seasons of exhaustion are unique, there may be a few general steps we can all take when we encounter them:
 
1 | Assess and care for your temple of the Holy Spirit. As we look closely at the earthly life of Jesus, we see a man who took time for prayer, solitude, and rest. Each of us needs to do likewise. “You can’t give what you don’t have,” the adage goes. And this: “The body keeps the score.”

On the natural level, we need to be caring for our bodies, the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19), through adequate rest, regular exercise, and a heathy diet. On the spiritual level, we need to be drinking daily from the wells of grace, prayer, spiritual reading, and friendship.  
 
In our own experience of these seasons of exhaustion, we’ve seen how important it is for each spouse to check in with the other and offer to “sponsor” time for self-care. That way, we don’t have to beg for it. That’s ideal, but if our spouse forgets to offer, we need to let that go and simply ask for the time we need to be refreshed.  
 
Practically: Are you looking for moments to offer your spouse some time off? And are you prioritizing putting on your own oxygen mask—through prayer, the Sacraments, physical self-care, and authentic friendships?  
 
2 | Acknowledge your fatigue and then unite it with the cross. Let’s say this up front: there is no shame in exhaustion. Name it. And as you do, you’ll find that you’re in good company. In the Psalms of lament, David voiced his fatigue and limitations on almost every page.

God often allows us to experience these seasons as we shoulder our callings in marriage, parenting, and family life. But after acknowledging this reality, the question is, “Which direction will I go?” The evil one is very adept at luring us into complaining, victimhood, resentment, anger, addictions, withdrawal, pride, self-medicating, and more. But these are all proven dead-ends.
 
In our experience, we’ve often had to remind ourselves to not miss the forest (spiritual reality) for the trees (physical exhaustion). In the weakness and vulnerability that comes with extreme exhaustion, let’s see the season for what it is: an opportunity to be united with Jesus on the cross at a deeper level. Jesus sees us in our weakness. His love and his mercy await us today. He will see us through this season. We have only to be faithful.   
 
Practically: Are you offering up your moments of exhaustion by saying a quick prayer (“Jesus, help me in my weakness,” “Jesus, I trust in you,” “O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!” “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me!”), uniting your fatigue to Jesus’ cross, and so inviting His grace into the fabric of your day?
 
3 | Thank God for the gifts he has given you. When Soren had a health scare five years ago, we both entered a 14-month gauntlet of fatigue that even surpassed the times of our children’s births. Early in that crisis, a friend and cancer survivor called and said, “I’m envious of you. God has your attention. He is very close to you!”

While his words were initially hard to receive, he was right. Now, we look back with amazement on the spiritual and physical healing that the Lord did in that season of our lives. Our lives were stripped down to the basics. There were many days when it was hard to muster the strength, but on the whole, we were able to turn to Him with gratitude for his many gifts and for whatever good he was bringing about through our trials.  
 
Practically: In your exhaustion, are you taking time—and we know this isn’t easy!—to thank the Lord for the gifts he has given you? Try a daily inventory or examination of gratitude.
 
Wrapping up: As we’ve often said, marriage and family life are “saint makers,” and for the vast majority of us, extreme physical and spiritual exhaustion will be part and parcel of our pilgrimage heavenward. Yes, we should care for ourselves and for one another in such a way that this level of fatigue comes as seldomly as possible. But when the exhaustion comes, we can say “Game on” as we: 1) look out for each other’s needs, 2) appeal to the Lord for help, and 3) give thanks to God for all that He is doing in our lives.