“How are we supposed to build a strong family culture when we’re so busy all the time, running from one thing to the next?” a young couple asked us at a retreat we recently gave for married couples.
Despite the peaceful spring breeze and beautiful sunlight streaming through the windows of the parish hall, these parents were exhausted, trying to keep up with their busy schedules. (We’ve been there…here’s a previous post we did on 5 of the biggest mistakes we’ve made with Family Culture).
What we shared with them was a three-step process that you and your family can use to push back on the busyness and build a vibrant Family Culture(Level 4 of a Trinity House, and our focus in the 4th week of each month).
1. Accept the “Both/And” of Your Family Culture
You have probably heard the idea of the both/and, a typically Catholic approach to issues that addresses the tension present in all of reality, and that resists simplistic either/or answers.
Here’s what the both/and means in this context. Today, your family culture is “both/and”: you are both being and becoming. You have a faith-filled family culture that reflects God’s own “communion of persons”…and you are developing it. You have both found enjoyment in your family’s communion and you are finding it.
One of the biggest mistakes we make in family culture, one that makes it so hard to become who we are called to be, is that we forget that there is a very profound way in which we already have what we long for and we simply musttake the time to enjoy it.
And yet, if we’re honest, we know how easy it is for day-to-day life, the overwhelm, the kids’ extracurriculars, and the need to “become” overtakes our enjoyment of God’s own life within our family. That’s where Sunday comes in.
2. Honor the Sabbath as a Family
In our “Culture of Busy” and “becoming,” we need to take the next step: honor the Sabbath.
Take time to fully consume and inhabit the glorious heart of Sunday, God’s greatest gift of his own life in the Eucharist, God’s very own life of communion that he wants so badly to give to us. Step through the “front door” of your Trinity House. And yes, the “front door” of a better and more faith-filled Family Culture is the Sabbath.
What can this look like?
- Take a day-long media-fast, and do the most relaxing, humane things together as a family.
- Sleep in, or get up early to watch the sunrise.
- Go for a walk.
- Worship God together.
- Eat a lovely meal together.
- Play games as a family, enjoy art or music, talk and laugh, go for a relaxing day trip, read quietly together or visit with good friends.
Trust us: the best way to make a big step forward in your Family Culture is to be more intentional about your family’s holy Sabbath.
3. Enjoy Your Mini-Sabbaths Throughout the Week
Once you’ve embraced the “both/and” of your Family Culture, and taken steps to deepen your family’s honoring of the Sabbath, you’ll find that you’re ready for the third step: discover and celebrate “mini-Sabbaths” throughout the week.
Here are a just a few:
- Your daily (or as often as possible) family meal.
- Your daily time of individual prayer, prayer with your spouse, and family prayer.
- Your moments of pausing throughout the day to thank God, acknowledge his presence, and invite his Holy Spirit into the next task.
- Your weekly Date Night!
And one quick word on the family meal–once you’ve done all the work to put dinner on the table in as nice a way as the day allows, try to lean in and linger, to deliberately taste the communion you have with one another, to be nourished and refreshed by it. (If you’re a parent of young children, take heart! Dinnertime can be chaotic and frustrating, but through your daily patience and persistence, you are laying the scaffolding for a vibrant and faith-filled family culture that your children will cherish for their entire life!)
Like that young couple who asked the question at the retreat, are you concerned about busyness overtaking your Family Culture? Receive the “both/and” of your Family Culture, and be encouraged by how much your family already has. Honor the Sabbath in new and deepening ways. And yes, enjoy your mini-Sabbaths!
> Those of you familiar with the Heaven in Your Home Flowchart know that the 3 Keys for Level 4 are the Family Meal (key practice), the Kitchen Table (key place), and Initiative (key principle). Here’s a deep dive on the key principle: “Initiative & Family Culture.”
> How about a 30-minute immersion in the “both/and” idea we shared above? In this Word on Fire podcast, Bishop Barron outlines the “both/and.”
> “Getting Sunday Right: Family Rediscovers the Power of the Sabbath” (Crux News) includes some great insights, including this: “So Sunday is about rest, but it’s a resting in the Lord, not just resting from activity.” And this: “It requires a shift in mindset. It’s a reorientation to who I am, what I am created for, and who I am in God’s plan.”
> The Theology of the Body Educators will feature Soren & Ever in a webinar on Fri. Apr. 26 at 1 pm EST. Learn more about how you can bring the Heaven in Your Home Gatherings to your parish. Save your spot here.
> Thanks to the Catholic Family Life Association‘s Ed Hopfner, Brooke Warren, and President Socorro Truchan for the invitation last week to lead a domestic church webinar last week about the growth and benefits of the parish-based Trinity House Community Groups for the entire family!
> Soren’s interview with EWTN’s Son Rise Radio last week is available here.
> Mark your calendars and bring your entire family to enjoy one of the many upcoming Trinity House Community Gatherings, including: 6:00 PM, Sat., Apr. 27th, Precious Blood in Culpeper | 11:15 AM (Spanish) and 6:45 PM (English), Sat., May 4th, Christ the Redeemer in Sterling (learn more here on p. 9) | 6 PM, Wed., May 8, St. Joseph Catholic Church in Saint Johns, MI (learn more here on p. 6) | 6:30 PM, Sat. May 18th, St. John the Apostle in Leesburg (learn more here) | 6:30 PM, Sat., May 18th, Sacred Heart in Manassas (learn more here).
> Begin planning now to launch your own parish’s Trinity House Community Group this September! Learn more here and schedule a 15-minute call/zoom with our team here. For just $499 ($399 if you subscribe by May 31st), your parish can access all the tools needed to host 5 transformative “Heaven in Your Home Gatherings” for families, including videos, discussion questions, marketing templates, catechetical resources, ongoing support, and more. Ready to subscribe and launch a Group at your parish? Here’s where you can take the first step.
> Congratulations to the Trinity House Cafe + Market staff, who served over 300 customers who were in town for last Saturday’s annual Flower & Garden Festival! We’re also grateful for our volunteers who helped with everything from yardwork to shelving used books in our Market shop.
“Heaven in Your Home Letters & Guide has been such a blessing to me and my family! It is lovely and insightful, and I highly recommend it. So many of us dream of creating a beautiful and nurturing home environment that is glorifying to God and filled with love, peace and joy. Yet, sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. This book provides the kind of structure and specific suggestions needed to move towards those dreams in practical and manageable ways.”
– Rev. Robbie Pruitt, Fairfax, VA
