The other day, one of us (let’s just leave this a little vague) needed to vent. About the “overwhelm”. About how non-stop life is. About the sudden explosion of the fall schedule with our kids running in ten directions at once.
But the other spouse, instead of realizing it was a venting session, began to offer “solutions.” Ha! How do you think that conversation went? Perhaps…just maybe, the spouse who was venting said something like, “But you’re not listening!” We’ve all been there.
In the second week of each month, we turn our focus with you to Person & Relationships, Level 2 of your Trinity House. This is a phenomenal level where you deepen the communion that your family has received from the Holy Trinity by developing—with God’s grace—healthier relationships, beginning in your marriage.
Reflecting on our recent garden-variety misunderstanding, we’d like to offer a few simple suggestions that we’re working on as well (hit ‘reply’ and let us know what’s working for you, so that we can pass on your helpful points too):
1 | Take a deep breath, and invite the Holy Spirit into this encounter. Our emotions come and go like the weather. One moment they’re dark and stormy, the next moment they’re lucid and calm…whatever the situation is that you’re discussing, the Holy Spirit is present.
2 | As your spouse (or dear friend, parent, or colleague) begins a conversation, consider asking, “What would be most helpful for you now, in this conversation?” This simple, clarifying question can allow your spouse to say, “I just need to vent,” or “I’d really like to hear your suggestions on this tricky situation I’m facing.” Best-selling psychiatrist Lori Gottlieb suggests that a clarifying question like this is “a loving act” that helps us to give the other “something they want” — “to be understood” — rather than “something we want.”
3 | Lean into the conversation, no matter the content. Whether your spouse needs to vent, problem-solve, talk through a relational issue, or just share a beautiful sunset with you, it all comes down to our innate desire to connect, to be heard, to be seen, to be understood, and yes, to give ourselves to the other.
When we don’t invite the Holy Spirit into our daily encounters with our loved ones, when we assume we know what our spouse needs from us, when we stonewall or look down at our phones and lean “away” from the conversation…well, you know the end of that story. Enough said.
The communion we receive from the heart of the Most Holy Trinity—”the Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit (Catechism, 2205)”—is an inexpressible gift that can come into play in our daily interactions with our loved ones. What a privilege it is to steward that gift and watch our family become an ever more radiant image of God!
> To go deeper, here are a few favorites on our need to be more present in daily conversations with our spouse, children, and others: “Wanted: Empathic Witness,” “Resolve Now to Reduce Friction,” and “Your Spouse’s Dazzling Holiness.”
> In “Choosing to Believe in Another’s Best Intentions” (Catholic Apostolate Center), Dana Edwards Szigeti writes, “We can seek the best in intentions in others” by “asking for clarification, listening to what’s being said rather than waiting to share our own thoughts, and refraining from editorial comments that could aggravate the situation.” Amen to that!
> “Protect Your Sabbatical” is Soren’s column in this week’s Arlington Catholic Herald. In it he writes, “Your next sabbatical is coming up this Sunday. Take it. And then you get 51 more — an entire 1.73 months or 14 percent of the coming year.”
> More and more parishes are stepping forward to serve families in a new way by launching a Trinity House Community Group! Two parishes subscribed in just the past week — in Saint Johns, Michigan, and Camuy, Puerto Rico! It’s not too late to subscribe and begin this ministry in your parish later this fall or next January. Here are 5 options for you to consider:
1. Learn more here. For just $499, your parish can access all the tools needed to host 5 transformative Gatherings for families in 2023-2024, including videos, discussion questions, marketing templates, catechetical resources, ongoing support, and more.
2. Book a 15-min. Demo Call at our calendar here.
3. Connect with a core team member. Curious to chat and learn more from one of the volunteer couples who have been hosting Group Gatherings? Just reach out to us and we’ll be happy to connect you.
4. Forward the links to the recent media coverage (Catholic News Agency here and Arlington Catholic Herald here) to your Pastor, parochial vicar, deacon, parish Faith Formation Director, parish school Principal, or an individual or couple you know who has a heart for serving young families. This plug-and-play program makes it easy for any parish.
5. Attend an upcoming Gathering and see for yourself! Here are just a few: This Saturday, Sept. 16, at Christ the Redeemer, Sterling (11:15 am in Spanish, 6:45 pm in English, see p. 10 here for more info); Sept. 16th at St. Philip’s in Falls Church (5 pm in English, learn more here); Sept. 23 at St. John the Apostle in Leesburg (6:30 pm in English, learn more here); Sept. 23 at St. Philip’s (6:30 pm in Spanish); Sept. 30 at Sacred Heart in Manassas, (6:30 pm in English, learn more here). Or contact us to hear about others coming up!
“Trinity House Community Groups offer families formation, fellowship, and the tools needed to live out and pass on their faith. Parishes are able to create groups — also called ‘Heaven in Your Home Gatherings’ — which invite not only parents but also kids to get together.”
— Catholic News Agency, “New Catholic Ministry Invites the Whole Family to Grow in Their Faith and in Community”
