Off-kilter. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Frazzled. Meh.

These are just some of the descriptions we’ve heard in the past few days from fellow parents as we shift from summer to fall schedules. Almost overnight—as the permission slips, sports practices, and homework pile up—we find ourselves on a fast-moving treadmill that’s set to the maximum incline.

At this strategic “hinge” of the year, it makes a lot of sense to pay attention to the temple of the Holy Spirit, the body. Because, as a best-selling book by this title makes clear, the “body keeps the score.” Any stress that builds up in your life and doesn’t find a healthy outlet will lodge somewhere in your body—whether in physical pain, overeating, drinking too much, compromised sleep…and the list goes on.

In the years when we were welcoming newborns into the world, we struggled with a conundrum that is related to this back-to-school overwhelm. We kept wondering … why are we arguing so much? Why are we so irritable and reactive with one another? What happened to the special touches of courtesy, affection, and tenderness?  

Our go-to answer to these questions was what you might call “spiritual.” We viewed our arguments as a spiritual shortcoming, the result of what we figured was an underdeveloped life of prayer. We examined our hearts, apologized to one another, and brought it to confession.

Sure, there was some truth and merit to our spiritualizing approach. After all, the call to holiness quite frequently translates to more prayer. But what we were missing was that the arguing, irritability, and reactivity also had a much simpler explanation: bodily limitations. First, we were sleep-deprived. Second, we were underinvesting in exercise. Third, our diet would often slip into a less-than-ideal mode that felt good in the moment but came with a price.

Here’s the truth of our early years of marriage (which we invite you not to repeat!): We radically underestimated the role that physical health plays in relationships!

Self-care can get a bad rap, for good reason. If it’s indulgent and happens in a world devoid of prayer, the sacraments, and the indwelling of the Holy Trinity, then yes, it can become a kind of disordered selfishness or in today’s parlance, “looksmaxxing.”

But Jesus tellingly said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The acceptance, respect, and care of the body God lovingly created is no small thing. It requires a kind of focus, attentiveness, and consistent care. Yes, we must care for our bodies and our psyches, and their woundedness or need for healing and growth, if we want to grow in love.

How can we expect to be patient, loving and gentle if we are in a sustained state of “HALT” (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)? How can we honor our spouse with an authentic gift of self if we haven’t treated our own bodies with the discipline, respect, and gratitude they deserve?

As we journey into this fall, consider one or more of these practical ways to deepen the communion in your marriage and family:

• Prayerfully take some time—perhaps a morning or afternoon mini-retreat, or an hour of Eucharistic Adoration—to clear your head and invite the Lord to help you tend to your health this fall.

• In an upcoming “life meeting” with your spouse, ask one another, “How can I better support you in your goals regarding diet, sleep, and exercise?”

• The next time an issue flares up in your marriage, don’t jump to taking it personally. Gently discern whether hunger, sleep, or related factors are driving emotions.

• If you don’t have one already, develop a simple “rule of life” that includes specific ways you will steward your health on a daily and weekly basis.  

• Share this rule of life with at least one close friend, and invite that friend to hold you accountable.  

Working toward greater communion with our loved ones and neighbors—imaging the interpersonal life of the divine persons—is our life’s work. And there are many steps in the personal transformation we must undergo in order to become increasingly available, Christ-like, and other-centered.

Critical among those steps is paying attention to health so that we are ready in our bodies to graciously undertake the necessary sacrifices to love our families and our neighbors. If we don’t yet have this crucial time in our schedule, we may be suffering from some misprioritization. May we learn to allow ourselves and our loved ones the grace of the time and space we need for bodily health!