With National Marriage Week (Feb. 7-14), Valentine’s Day, and World Marriage Sunday (Feb. 9) upon us, we can’t help but take a moment to reflect on marital love. It’s a time to celebrate it and also to focus in on how we can grow together in our twenty-fourth year of marriage.
When we consider how to grow in our love for each other, we often think back to the months leading up to our wedding, when we came across a galvanizing idea in Catholic philosopher Dr. Alice von Hildebrand’s letters, in which she wrote about having a “Tabor vision” of her spouse. As Troy and Kathleen Billings summarize in an article about this phrase:
“When you fall in love, you are given a great gift: you are granted a perception of your beloved’s true self, who they are meant to be genuinely at the deepest level….You are able to look past their faults because the vision you see is simply astounding and takes root in your heart….It is at this moment, when you fall in love and are given a Tabor vision, that you see your spouse more visibly than does any other human being.”
“And he was transfigured before them,” we hear in the Gospel account of the Transfiguration on Mount Tabor, “and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them.” It’s easy to put “transfiguration” into a compartment of holy-sounding words reserved for Jesus alone, and in a sense, we’d be right. But “The Transfiguration,” the Catechism explains, “gives us a foretaste of Christ’s glorious coming, when he ‘will change our lowly body to be like his glorious body (Phil 3:21)’” (556).
Looking back, von Hildebrand’s letter struck us so powerfully because we knew we had each been given a “Tabor vision” of the other. Beyond our various faults, wounds, and shortcomings, we had seen one another’s fundamental identity in the Lord—as a beloved son and daughter of the Heavenly Father.
In the second week of each month, we turn our focus to Level 2—Person & Relationships—and our question is this: Have you had a Tabor vision of your spouse? To paraphrase the Catechism, have you glimpsed your spouse’s “glorious” reality that he or she—Lord willing—will someday have, in the presence of almighty God?
Candidly, we all have days that are anything but dazzling. The Tabor vision may seem far-off for any number of reasons, so how do we recapture it? How do we keep the Tabor vision of our spouse before us? How do we remind ourselves that we are our spouse’s number-one aide on the path to holiness?
Here are three practices that have blessed us (when we remember to do them!):
1 | In daily prayer, we ask the Lord to renew our desire to help each other grow in holiness. We imagine the other standing before our Lord in eternity. This image blesses and enriches our prayers for each other.
2 | In daily prayer, we renew our own identity in Christ. “We can’t give,” goes the famous saying, “what we don’t have.” If we don’t have an understanding of our own transfigured self—as saints-in-the-making—we won’t be able to give that to our beloved spouse.
3 | We try very hard to endure slights patiently. Every spouse experiences fatigue and stress on top of pre-existing wounds and temptations, and it’s easy to take it out on each other. Instead of reacting with a comeback, we try to summon the Tabor vision, and endure the slight with love and acceptance.
Our Trinity Houses thrive when both spouses focus on helping one another on the journey to holiness. And the Tabor vision of one’s spouse is dazzling beyond description. So as part of what we each bring to the table as spouses, let’s begin to cultivate this vision with greater fidelity, faith, and hope, inviting the Lord to lead us ever closer to his transfigured body.
This week’s reflection is excerpted from our Heaven in Your Home Letters & Guide: Inspiration & Tools for Building a Trinity House
> In our Heaven in Your Home Workshop, Date Night is the key practice for Level 2, Person & Relationships. So we love how Troy and Kathleen Billings’ “Tabor Vision” (Catholic Current) suggests frequent dates: “Married couples are called by God to keep the Tabor vision of their spouse at the forefront of their mind and in the deepest part of their heart, in order to develop a mindset of continually dating their beloved.”
> In “Stop Gossiping About Your Spouse: Remember Your Tabor Vision Instead,” Mariette Rintoul (Natural Catholic Mom) writes, “Give them [your spouse] some grace. Remember that they are not perfect…and neither are you.”
> Speaking of deepening your relationship with your spouse, have you seen the For Your Marriage site? It’s a fantastic compilation of advice, real life stories, and Church teaching aimed at strengthening your marriage. More Person & Relationship Tools…
> We are excited to announce Trinity House Community’s Church & Market capital campaign to purchase the beautiful building/location of the ministry’s Trinity House Cafe + Market! After leasing for 10 years, we’ve been given this remarkable “now or never moment” by our landlord to purchase the building by June 30, 2025. This pivotal step will secure the Cafe’s flagship location and bless the Trinity House Community ministry with a 2nd floor ministry headquarters! Generous supporters have already propelled us past the halfway mark to our $340K goal! You can watch a one-min. video and read our case statement here. Will you consider a $100, $250, $500, or $1,000 gift to support this special campaign? Thank you for your consideration!
> 34 parishes. 14 states. The Trinity House model for family life is blessing more and more families. We’re scheduling webinars, mini-workshops, and Lenten talks for parish and diocesan groups (Zoom or in-person) for this Spring. Interested? Share your idea or question at our book a talk link here.
> We are excited to have the chance to host papal biographer George Weigel on Thurs., Mar. 20th for a special evening! Learn more and RSVP soon to gsayers@trinityhousecommunity.org
> Mark your calendars and bring your entire family to enjoy one of the upcoming Trinity House Community Gatherings, including:
- Sat. Feb. 15th at Our Lady of Mercy in Manchester, NH
- Sat. Feb. 15th at St. Veronica in Chantilly, VA
- Sat. Feb. 22nd at St. Bridget of Ireland in Berryville, VA
- Sat. Mar. 8th at St. Theresa in Austin, TX
- Sat. Mar. 8th at St. Theresa in Ashburn, VA
- Sat. Mar. 22nd at St. John the Apostle in Leesburg, VA
- Sat. Mar. 22nd at St. Francis de Sales in Purcellville, VA
- Sat. Mar. 22nd at St. Bernadette in Springfield, VA
- Sat. Mar. 22nd at the Cathedral of St. Joseph in Manchester, NH
- Sat. Mar. 22nd at Mary Our Queen in Omaha, NE
- Sat. Mar. 29th at Ss. Philip and James in Baltimore, MD
Would you like to take your family to one of these upcoming Gatherings? Just check the parish website to learn more, or drop us a line and we’ll be happy to put you in touch!
> Plan now to launch your own parish’s Trinity House Community Group this year! Learn more here and schedule a 15-minute call/zoom with our team here. For $499, your parish can access all the tools needed to host 5 transformative “Heaven in Your Home Gatherings” for families, including videos, discussion questions, marketing templates, catechetical resources, ongoing support, and more. Dioceses can also take advantage of three subscriptions for just $999. Ready to subscribe and launch a Group at your parish? Here’s where you can take the first step.
“Soren and Ever recently spoke to a group from our Diocese and it was so well-received! I hear from many parents about the struggles in building a culture of faith in the home and Trinity House offers practical strategies to make this goal a reality. As a Mom of small children, their ministry is also inspiring to me personally as I also struggle to navigate all of the distractions that come with modern parenting. My hope is that parishes will begin Heaven in Your Home gatherings and bring about a renewal of Catholic family life here in NJ!”
– Cristina D’Averso-Collins, M.T.S., M.S.P.
Director, Office of Family Life
Diocese of Metuchen, NJ
