Soren was at a crossroads. After nine years at a private Christian K-8, his parents made a three-fold decision with far-reaching consequences. First, he would not continue on with the 90% of his peers who went to the private Christian high school. Second, they would enroll him in a large public high school where he knew a total of two students. 

The shock of those moves could have led to a poor outcome, but his Evangelical Christian parents (Soren became Catholic as a young adult, a story captured here by EWTN) made a third momentous move. They began worshipping at an Evangelical church not far from the high school, known for its large and popular youth group, “Omega.”

A typical Wednesday evening at Omega went like this: free donuts, hanging out (a vigorous game of basketball or volleyball was always happening in the church gym for those who wanted), then praise and worship music, prayer, a brief reflection from the youth minister, and then more hanging out (and out came the cookies).

A leadership team made up of seniors worked hard to welcome the freshmen and newcomers.  Every second Saturday, many in the youth group would pile into vans, go to downtown Chicago, and hear an inspirational message and a free concert by Christian artists like Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, Rich Mullins, and Stephen Curtis Chapman.

Almost overnight, Soren’s circle of acquaintances and friends at the high school skyrocketed … so much so that in the first weeks of class, he was high-fived constantly in the hallways and cafeteria by teens from Omega with whom he had just shot hoops and prayed the night before. By his senior year, he was on the leadership team welcoming and discipling the lower-classmen.  

Fast forward a few decades … and in the Johnson family, our parish youth group and the Franciscan University’s “Steubenville Youth Conferences” have played a significant role in shaping our teens’ faith. All five of our children have participated with our youth group in these dynamic, two-day retreats. The retreats have blessed each of our children with access to accomplished speakers, beautiful music, small group experiences, and the sacraments – or in a word, “encounters” with our Lord and Savior.

Youth groups, bible studies, retreats … when considered with your daily spiritual leadership in your home, are these teen groups just an optional “add-on” or “icing on the cake”? When you look at your teen’s crazy-busy schedule of extracurriculars, isn’t an additional commitment to youth group unrealistic?

By suggesting that the answer is “no,” we’re probably not telling you anything new. But permit us to state the case. As your day-to-day influence over your teen wanes—to put it gently—the importance of their peer group increases. Having intentional faith-filled peers matters. And the social science data proves it.

Sociologist Christian Smith writes that when it comes to building up the faith of our teens, another important factor is this:

“the presence of non-family adults in religious congregations who know…[youth] well and can engage them in talk on serious topics, beyond superficial chit chat. The more such adults are present, the more a church, temple, synagogue, or mosque feels like a community or an extended family, which is itself a strong bonding force.” (“Keeping the Faith,” First Things Magazine, May 2021).

When your teen graduates at 18, how many non-parental faith mentors will they be able to name? (It’s a great exercise of gratitude to think back on your own). We are both immensely grateful to have enjoyed this kind of “thick community” in our teen years. Looking back, we can see the gentle—translation: they didn’t force us to participate—yet courageous ways our parents opened the doors to faith-filled peers and mentors.

No matter the age of your children, it’s never too early to sketch out your plan of action. As you do, here are some practical suggestions:

• First, reflect back on your non-parental mentors in faith. In a time of prayer, thank the Lord for their witness and the gift they were to you.

• Look prayerfully at your child’s own current network of active or potential non-parental mentors. Take one small step to connect them, to create a place for them to have a meaningful time and conversation together.

• As the fall schedules begin, put youth ministry on the map if it isn’t there already. Suggest it, promote it, champion it, drive your child to it … weave in some small incentives if that helps.

• Pray daily for your children’s friendships and interactions with mentors in the faith, and pray for your parish’s youth ministry team.

• Consider volunteering in your parish’s youth ministry program. Countless parents coach their kids’ teams. Why not show up for them in the spiritual arena as well?

Even as we propose these steps, we know that there are no easy answers, no short-cuts, no hacks to raising a teen to put Jesus Christ at the center of their life. But take heart. Your daily and consistent love will provide them with what they need to further embrace, own, and deepen the gift of their faith.

The three-fold shock to the system that Soren experienced with the move to public high school turned out to be the gateway to deeper faith, lifelong friendships, and deeply rewarding high school years. And every family faces similarly large decisions, but never alone. The body of Christ, the communion of saints, a solid youth group, a handful of wise and loving adults in their lives…these too, are with us as we step forward in faith.