To hear this letter read by Soren, click here:

In your early years, did you ever fail a test? Get bullied on the bus? Not get invited to the sleepover? Get singled out for criticism? Botch the game-winning play? Whenever situations like this befell Ever or her siblings, her mom (“Gram” to our kids) took a decidedly old-school approach. She encouraged the kids to “offer it up.”
 
Elizabeth Scalia explains this phrase: “When you are in pain, when you are disappointed, when your feelings have been hurt, offer these things up to the Lord and ask him to use your suffering, to join it to His own pain on the cross, for the good of others.” 
 
But wait! Before we judge Gram as harsh, allow us to share some context. First, she would always listen attentively as the kids shared whatever had happened. And she would empathize, give hugs, and urge prayer. Only then would she say “offer it up!” And there was often a grand finale: her fierce-Irish side would emerge, and she’d roll up the sleeves to do any possible problem-solving.  

Fast forward to the present. Like most parents, we spend untold hours each week trying to develop our kids. Music and art lessons, gymnastics, football, baseball…you name it. Within reason, we will commit the resources needed to develop their unique gifts and personalities.
 
If we’re honest, we also find ourselves gravitating to our culture’s dominant approach to parenting—the “helicopter,” or even “lawnmower” or “bulldozer” parent, intent on clearing away every obstacle before our children encounter them.
 
But this past Sunday, when we heard Jesus’ words to his disciples—“Take up your cross and follow me”—we recalled Mom’s loving lessons, and had to ask ourselves, “How well are we doing with passing on this wisdom to prepare our kids for the inevitable?”
 
With today’s Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, we have a fitting moment to take stock. Alongside our investment in our kids’ skills, are we also doing all we can to help them learn to deal with suffering, challenges, and adversity? Are we teaching our children how to pick up their crosses…those inevitable challenges, small and large, momentary or life-changing?
 
We all know the cross is going to be there no matter what—whether it’s suffering for ourselves or those we love. But how we handle it is a choice. And as Catholic parents, we must not fail to show our kids the more-than-silver lining that can be ours every time its shadow falls across our path.

The cross, Ever’s mom would say, looks so ugly and scary, but how we experience it depends on our perspective. When Jesus allows us to experience the cross, he’s offering the opportunity to be united to Him in the deepest way—to become one with his heart for humankind that loved so much that he put aside his divine prerogative and joined us in the pain of our separation from His Father.

Yes, we must always take positive steps to make bad things better. But sometimes, no matter how much helicoptering or bulldozing we try to do, “the best way out,” to quote Frost, “is through.” Truth be told, of all the great opportunities and life-lessons her parents gave, Ever’s mom’s unwavering direction on how to suffer well has been the most valuable.
 
In our own Trinity Houses, we can look for practical ways to make this profound truth come alive:   

• Discuss life’s never-ending flow of “offer it up” situations over dinner;
• In family prayer times, such as the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary, reflect together on how Jesus took up His cross;  
• If a sibling is sick, we can urge another child to cover her chores for the week, bearing the cross in solidarity;

As we celebrate the Exaltation of the Cross, let’s show our kids the power of faith in Jesus Christ, to make seemingly ugly things shine, to redeem the world with a fierce beauty, to “offer up” our suffering, for His glory and for the good of souls!